Sunday, December 30, 2007

Smile! You're on Canine Camera

Here's a new invention for the avid photography enthusiast who is also stalking famous people. Dog Cameras. Yes, I know they've been used for quite some time by Second Life-playing shut-ins who want to see what's going on in their backyard. Now they can work for people who actually leave their home.

HOW does it work? You set the collar to "Automatic", send a pooch in the direction of a celebrity, and whammo, all the close-up shots you'll ever need. Maybe even some of the fannie, knowing your dog. Simply dress as a school marm to retrieve the pet, and you have yourself a guilt-free photo spread for People magazine. Cha-ching! Come on, is there an easier way to get Scarlet Johansson to show you her cleavage? Don't answer that.

WHY does it work? For some reason, celebrities are more interested in giving their attention to a creature with garbage-breath than a paparazzo.

WHERE does it work? Anywhere a dog might conceivably get lost. A park, a sidewalk, a display pile of stuffed animals. May be suspicious at night clubs or in posh boutiques that are temporarily closed to the public.

I guess that's the end of my pitch. I just crank out the genius. I don't package it. Maybe I should end with a joke. Oh! I've got one! What's the difference between a dog and a member of the paparazzi? One is a a smelly, furry beast that licks its own poop-hole...

and the other's a dog.


It's good to be back.

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