Friday, December 31, 2010

SPANK You Very Much

On Thurs Jan 13, 2011 at 6:30PM I will debut a solo show at the Upright Citizen's Brigade Theater:

Not Getting It: Rejection and Resilient Ignorance

On a quest to salvage her ratings, life coach-turned-TV personality Dr. Newberry invites her viewers to participate in a slogan-writing contest. The responses range from death threats to epithets and she couldn't be more honored.

Dr. Newberry is a character I've been performing in the city, and you might be suprised to see which people make up her regular viewing public (hint: other characters I've been performing in the city). Here's a sneak preview to see her in action: clickable link to VIDEO of Dr. Newberry

Directed by the fabulous Kate Tellers

SPANK at UCB Theater
Admission: $5

UCB Theater NY
307 W. 26th Street
New York, NY 10001

Monday, December 13, 2010

Enter Doofus

You know those great commercials where a couple is giving a testimonial to the viewers at home, and a sales associate is standing there calmly? You sit at home and think, "They could replace that person with a giant fern and I wouldn't miss him/her". Well picture me as the fern, doing the following at an audition:

Take one:
The couple announces they tried shopping elsewhere for furniture, and then they came to my store for the better price. There's silence. I'm four feet away, looking at them stand together.

Director: You're supposed to enter the frame to stand next to them and read your line, Abbi.
Me: Oh, right. I thought they would walk back over to me. Even though you explained that I would walk to them. I thought the camera would pan back to where we were all standing at first. But I got it now.

Take two:
The couple says they came to my store for the better price. I walk in and look at the cue card and say, "I told them we have the best deals in town," then I look away from the card at the couple and blank so I add, "...all the right stuff. All the right stuff."

Director: Remember to look at the camera, not the cue card when you say your line. And please say the whole line correctly. And don't repeat a line that's not even on the cue card.
Me: Oh yeah, I will. I wasn't sure if you wanted me to be married to the script or not. Because I started reading it directly, but I wanted to sound natural, so I winged it by reading what I thought it should say. Okay I will just look at the camera the whole time.

Take three:
The couple starts to talk and I walk in and say, "I told them we have the best deals...oh you're not done talking. IDIOT!" I slap my forehead and back out.

Director: Well that's the first time I've heard someone shout, "Idiot!" at one of these things.
Me: Yes, I don't know what's wrong with me, hahaha! Oh no, now I've got the giggles! (To actress) You were talking, and I interruped. I should have waited my turn!
Actress: (glares)
Me: Hahahaha, okay, so this time you guys go first HAHAHA!
Couple: (glares)

The fourth take, I nailed it. If by "nailed it" you understand that I faced the camera but read the line incorrectly again. I also threw in emphatic hand gestures to convey what a great deal this couple was getting. This made me burst out laughing again.

At the elevator, I started to chat up the guy of the couple with, "You'd think it was brain surgery in there!" He gave a pursed-lips smile, got on his phone and turned his back to me.

Fight Night

As if we aren't already aware of how busy we are, my husband Luke and I can't have real fights unless they're penciled into our agendas.

Look out Holihans!

I have my thing before the dinner so let's do it afterwards...does that work for you?

See you then!

Thursday, December 9, 2010

You Need a Time Out (NY)

Tonight's show F-word: Feminism, Funny & Fearless has been
featured in Time Out NY!

Show your support for Paradigm Shift --the largest feminist community group in New York City--at tonight's fundraiser, featuring a silent auction and performances by comedians Jen Dziura...and Jessica Delfino.

(...and Abbi Crutchfield.) <--I added that part.

See you at Angels and Kings tonight Thurs Dec 9 at 7:00PM. Bring your throat spray because I predict a lot of hooting and hollering!

Photo credit:

Monday, December 6, 2010

Feminism For Fun

Together with some fabulous comics I'll be on an amazing comedy show by Paradigm Shift, NYC's hardest-working feminist activism group.

In anticipation of our contribution as empowered performers and general buffoons, Michelle Gonzalez interviewed Jessica Delfino, Jen Dziura, Hadiya Robinson, Leah King and yours truly.

Here's my take on what the audience can expect from the show F-word: Feminism, Funny and Fearless:

Firstly, a frightfully fast and furious frenzy of freaky femme fatales! For friendly fun, fear not! Five fabulous females share feel-good fairy tales for a few dollars! Finally, forty flopping flounders fight fifty flying fish for a fiefdom of figs. Phew! (Also a raucous night of comedy...).

Check it out here!

See you at the show!

This Thursday, December 9th, from 7 to 10 pm, head to Angels & Kings @ 500 East 11th Street between Avenue A and B for “F-Word: Feminism, Funny & Fearless! A Fundraiser for Paradigm Shift NYC.”

Saturday, December 4, 2010

You are De Nominator!

So you're a little tentative about Twitter and you just don't get what all the fuss is about. Follow me on Twitter for a great introduction to how much fun the site can be. Follow me on Facebook to see these tweets appear in your News Feed. Clicking on them will take you to my wall where you can chime in with a LIKE or your own hilarious two cents!

Then after all that, you can decide that I merit a nomination or vote in the ECNY awards for Outstanding Achievement in the field of Tweeting! Go here for that.

Let the raucous 140-character shenanigans begin!

(Now go back and read this entire post over in an Arnold Schwarzenegger accent.)