Saturday, November 25, 2006


These are the timeless treasures to be had if you win--okay you don't even place--on the Poetry Vs. Comedy show in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Silly string! Care to watch "Big", anyone? Let's shoot this at each other, but be careful not to get it anywhere near the eyes, nose or mouth, and then promptly remove it from our clothes so as to minimize the drycleaning bill, and then break out the 409 and Bounty so our landlord won't charge us for the stain on the walls. FUN!! Okay who wants to spray first? My knee-cap region should be appropriate. This is old denim.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Extra! Extra! Read All About It!

That's my face in BUST magazine! This is the first time I've ever appeared in a publication with glossy pages. I'm so excited!

BUST is a magazine with an agenda to showcase the lives of today's women.

The show that the article highlights is a one of a kind, all-female comedy hour in New York called Chicks and Giggles founded by cupcake-lovin' co-producer Nichelle Stephens and hosted by the bilingual and all-funny co-producer Carolyn Castiglia.

I heard about the show through my fellow GU alumn and comedian Jaqueline Novak, and the article includes a joke by the multi-tasking comedy writer Giulia Rozzi co-creator and host of Stripped Stories.

Go out and buy a copy tonight because when I'm huge, this photo will be worth something and often refered to as "An early shot of Abbi".

Friday, November 10, 2006

This Goes Out to All the Guys in the Bushes

On the road to comedy success, it is wise to anticipate some of the hurdles before they happen. I am prepared for the public backlash when I adopt a tribe of Eskimos, and Time magazine labels me a “modern-day” Joshephine Baker (and later in the article a “stable” Angelina Jolie or a “talented” Madonna). I welcome the day when my bit is tired and my manager talks me into becoming The Face of adult diapers. I have already prepared my speech for the annual banquet of the ‘tween girls club that wears replicas of my signature Lazy Eye (that I haven’t made signature yet).

I’m friendly. I’m smiley. I’m irresistible. I say with all honesty that some day I am going to be stalked by an unattractive person wearing a sweat shirt.

And to you, Sir, I say PREPARE…TO…DIE.

I am not one to be easily intimidated by threats. I will bypass the restraining order and go straight to the machete purchase. In a world of celebrities who get disturbing letters from self-proclaimed fans like you, there are far too few who take the law into their own hands. I will cut up a magazine and glue together an equally sick response. I’m making them now. I have that kind of time. I don’t need a giant bodyguard to muscle you in a dark alley at night. I’ll have already put lye in your morning Starbucks.

It’s survival of the fittest, Looney. Indecisive, scrawny teenagers need not apply. You’d better only come at me if you have three names and Catcher in the Rye in your pocket. You see, your strength is your empty threat. My strength is born from a deep-seated fear from watching too many episodes of Unsolved Mysteries and Lifetime Original movies about drifters who hide in the attic. Coupled with a natural, cat-like quickness when it comes to self-defense (I duck whenever I hear a balloon pop), you don’t stand a chance.