Welcome back to the "Who Knows Best" series. In these posts, Curly Comedy sits down with two performing stereotypes to interview them on their technique.
On Writing New Material
Black Comic Doing White Guy Impression: Most of my new material develops on stage. I hardly have time to sit down with a pad of paper and a pen because of my three kids. They keep me busy man. But they know to act right when the belt comes out. White parents are always afraid to use the belt. "What in the John Quincy Adams is going on around here? I respectfully asked you not to TiVo over my re-runs of Friends! You are in for a time out, Mister! WithOUT a fruit smoothie."
Asian Comic Doing Mom Impression: I write every day, all the time. My mom's like, "Why you do that? Why you no get a real job like Eunji? Eunji chiropractah--always fix my back problem! Watching you on stage give me back problem!" I know Mom, you're very disappointed in me. "I should be gobbage man!" A what? "A gobbage man, I pick up gobbage that come out of you mouth on stage. Huh huh! NOW who tell jokes?"
On Working Blue
Black Comic: You come up in the projects, you work the clubs on the tough side of town, you learn to win the crowds over with dirty jokes. Fact of life. Me, I grew up in the suburbs and went straight to TV, so working blue was more a rite of passage than a necessity.
Asian Comic: All women should know how to work blue. Because the first thing anyone is going to do is introduce you by your looks and not your talent on stage. You have to be twice as raunchy as them and knock them on their a--. Plus if you had parents that made you iron your pleated skirt after two hours of piano theory, being crass can be very cathartic.
On Touring with Friends
Asian Comic: Lesbians are a riot on tour. I stack the deck with someone who can talk about raising kids, someone who can talk about being divorced, and then I come on and do my repressed adult with boundary issues thing. At the end of the day, we all find common ground over a bottle of vodka and remembering George Carlin. He understood me more than my family. "Who dat old man on TV who complain all the time? He never heard of biting on broomstick until bad thougts go away?"
Black Comic: I travel solo. After a show, the emcee tells me where to get the honies, the middle act is my wing man, and my talent takes care of the rest. "Excuse me but does your father know you're talking to a black man right now? 'We respect you people and the way you run fast and dance well, but dog gone it, you are not going to give us mulatto grandchildren! What's next, a mixed President?'"
On Selling-Out Shows
Black Comic: Don't you ever call me a sell out.
Asian Comic: University shows are the easiest to fill. Kids can relate to the fact that I grew up like them and dress like them and still live like them.
Showing posts with label Who Knows Best. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Who Knows Best. Show all posts
Friday, November 21, 2008
Friday, November 14, 2008
Who Knows Best? Brazen Comic vs. Self-Deprecating Comic
Curly Comedy sits down with two performing stereotypes to interview them on their technique.
On mother jokes
Brazen Comic: Ohmygawd. If I couldn’t joke about that woman I’d have strangled her with the cord to her Conair by now. “Judy Kleiman’s son is a doctah now. You should give him a kawl.” Whaddya want Ma? You want me to marry a doctor and become an alcoholic by the time I’m 40? I did an episode a ER playin’ Anthony Edwards’ love interest once. I says I ain’t datin’ a doctor but I schtupp one on TV!”
Self-Deprecating Comic: My mother had an odd sense of humor. She told me to eat my vitamins so I could grow big and strong. I asked her why she didn’t eat vitamins. She said she hates the taste of Tylenol. But Munchausen syndrome has its perks. I got more flowers than any other girl in school. And senior year I was voted most likely to succeed. Or maybe suck seeds through a straw.
On women not being funny
Brazen Comic: What a bunch of crap! You want proof? I’m a woman (pause) and I just farted. BOO YAH.
Self-Deprecating Comic: Well that sounds sexist. So is the myth that all women are graceful. I’m so clumsy I can’t even put pantyhose on right. I jam my leg in, and yank the nylon up to my chest. Ten minutes later, the crotch has fallen to my knees, and it’s March of the Penguins to get the morning paper.
On smoking in clubs
Self-Deprecating Comic: I hate the smell of cigarette smoke in clubs. It reminds me of when I used to work at a bowling alley in El Paso. The nicest thing my manager ever told me was that I was “of use” there. We had an award for Most Valuable Asset, and by two votes I beat out toilet paper.
Brazen Comic: Cigarettes are like Doritos. They make your breath stink, but you gotta have one after sex! Shake your thighs if you feel me, ladies! If comedy clubs take away people’s right to smoke they’re gonna take booze away next. And a comedy show without booze is nothin’ but an AA Meeting!
On long distance dating while working the road
Self-Deprecating Comic: I don’t date.
Brazen Comic: Interracial dating is the new gay man. It was deplored, and then taboo, now it’s mod and you see it everywhere on TV. I’m for it. If I weren’t, I’d owe my kids an explanation! What’s that? Oh, you said long distance. You gotta speak up, Hon’. (Picks up roll of paper towels, shouts in tube to make trumpet noises) How can you be appreciated if no one can hear you?
On mother jokes
Brazen Comic: Ohmygawd. If I couldn’t joke about that woman I’d have strangled her with the cord to her Conair by now. “Judy Kleiman’s son is a doctah now. You should give him a kawl.” Whaddya want Ma? You want me to marry a doctor and become an alcoholic by the time I’m 40? I did an episode a ER playin’ Anthony Edwards’ love interest once. I says I ain’t datin’ a doctor but I schtupp one on TV!”
Self-Deprecating Comic: My mother had an odd sense of humor. She told me to eat my vitamins so I could grow big and strong. I asked her why she didn’t eat vitamins. She said she hates the taste of Tylenol. But Munchausen syndrome has its perks. I got more flowers than any other girl in school. And senior year I was voted most likely to succeed. Or maybe suck seeds through a straw.
On women not being funny
Brazen Comic: What a bunch of crap! You want proof? I’m a woman (pause) and I just farted. BOO YAH.
Self-Deprecating Comic: Well that sounds sexist. So is the myth that all women are graceful. I’m so clumsy I can’t even put pantyhose on right. I jam my leg in, and yank the nylon up to my chest. Ten minutes later, the crotch has fallen to my knees, and it’s March of the Penguins to get the morning paper.
On smoking in clubs
Self-Deprecating Comic: I hate the smell of cigarette smoke in clubs. It reminds me of when I used to work at a bowling alley in El Paso. The nicest thing my manager ever told me was that I was “of use” there. We had an award for Most Valuable Asset, and by two votes I beat out toilet paper.
Brazen Comic: Cigarettes are like Doritos. They make your breath stink, but you gotta have one after sex! Shake your thighs if you feel me, ladies! If comedy clubs take away people’s right to smoke they’re gonna take booze away next. And a comedy show without booze is nothin’ but an AA Meeting!
On long distance dating while working the road
Self-Deprecating Comic: I don’t date.
Brazen Comic: Interracial dating is the new gay man. It was deplored, and then taboo, now it’s mod and you see it everywhere on TV. I’m for it. If I weren’t, I’d owe my kids an explanation! What’s that? Oh, you said long distance. You gotta speak up, Hon’. (Picks up roll of paper towels, shouts in tube to make trumpet noises) How can you be appreciated if no one can hear you?
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Who Knows Best? Political Comic vs. Observational Comic
Curly Comedy sits down with two performing stereotypes to interview them on their technique.
On President Jokes
Political Comic: If I weren't so angry about every president we've had in this country for the last thirty years, maybe I'd have time to golf. If a comic can't attack from the top down, he's a coward. Nobody gives a crap if your manager at Burger King's a jerk. He's probably upset about his 401K, no thanks to the President of the Divided States!
Observational Comic: Do you ever notice how Secret Service agents don't smile? I bet it's on their resume, "Objective: serious professional seeks to wear sunglasses and scowl." And how about the gardening staff? I'd hate to see them doing the morning rounds on the White House lawn. "He may be the First pet, but by gum this is his last turd!"
On Book Deals
Political Comic: Book deals are an essential step in a comic's career. The trajectory is as follows: comedy in clubs, book deal, T.V. talkshow guest, T.V. talkshow host, another book deal, make a documentary, run for office, book deal. Writing a series of ephemeral bestsellers is the retirement plan of any good comic-turned personality.
Observational Comic: I just finished penning my memoirs from age 37 to 40. It's called, "Out of Order? Order Out!" with a picture of me and some models playing my family at the dinner table. The turkey's burned, the wife is yelling at me, the kids are fighting over mashed potatoes, and I'm shrugging at the camera like, "Sheesh". You ever notice that when you're writing a novel, everyone wants to be in it? "Are you gonna write about me? Don't make me fat." No one's gonna see you! It's a BOOK!
On Mic Technique
Observational Comic: Do you ever notice how long the mic cord is? What are we, jumping rope with this thing later? How far away do I need to walk with this? Just how bad do you smell as an audience? I always tell kids that are starting out, the mic stand is your best friend. It's a prop, it's a person, it's a signifier that you're on the last joke. But does every mic stand have to be black? Mic stand's like, "Why? Something wrong with being BLACK?" No. Not at all. (rings collar) Sheesh.
Political Comic: Before the show I check the mic levels so I can yell as loudly as possible into it later. If anybody has fallen asleep after my recitation of the Declaration of Independence, shouting gets them back on track. Especially with a German accent.
On Family
Political Comic: I don't have a family.
Observational Comic: Gold mine! Kids say the darndest things, and mothers-in-law are a curse, and I'm not sure if wives shop more than they nag or nag more than they shop! "Take the trash out! Take the trash out!" Whaddya mean? I took you out last night. Do you know trash bags come scented now? I've got vanilla scented garbage. I take it out on a giant spoon.
On President Jokes
Political Comic: If I weren't so angry about every president we've had in this country for the last thirty years, maybe I'd have time to golf. If a comic can't attack from the top down, he's a coward. Nobody gives a crap if your manager at Burger King's a jerk. He's probably upset about his 401K, no thanks to the President of the Divided States!
Observational Comic: Do you ever notice how Secret Service agents don't smile? I bet it's on their resume, "Objective: serious professional seeks to wear sunglasses and scowl." And how about the gardening staff? I'd hate to see them doing the morning rounds on the White House lawn. "He may be the First pet, but by gum this is his last turd!"
On Book Deals
Political Comic: Book deals are an essential step in a comic's career. The trajectory is as follows: comedy in clubs, book deal, T.V. talkshow guest, T.V. talkshow host, another book deal, make a documentary, run for office, book deal. Writing a series of ephemeral bestsellers is the retirement plan of any good comic-turned personality.
Observational Comic: I just finished penning my memoirs from age 37 to 40. It's called, "Out of Order? Order Out!" with a picture of me and some models playing my family at the dinner table. The turkey's burned, the wife is yelling at me, the kids are fighting over mashed potatoes, and I'm shrugging at the camera like, "Sheesh". You ever notice that when you're writing a novel, everyone wants to be in it? "Are you gonna write about me? Don't make me fat." No one's gonna see you! It's a BOOK!
On Mic Technique
Observational Comic: Do you ever notice how long the mic cord is? What are we, jumping rope with this thing later? How far away do I need to walk with this? Just how bad do you smell as an audience? I always tell kids that are starting out, the mic stand is your best friend. It's a prop, it's a person, it's a signifier that you're on the last joke. But does every mic stand have to be black? Mic stand's like, "Why? Something wrong with being BLACK?" No. Not at all. (rings collar) Sheesh.
Political Comic: Before the show I check the mic levels so I can yell as loudly as possible into it later. If anybody has fallen asleep after my recitation of the Declaration of Independence, shouting gets them back on track. Especially with a German accent.
On Family
Political Comic: I don't have a family.
Observational Comic: Gold mine! Kids say the darndest things, and mothers-in-law are a curse, and I'm not sure if wives shop more than they nag or nag more than they shop! "Take the trash out! Take the trash out!" Whaddya mean? I took you out last night. Do you know trash bags come scented now? I've got vanilla scented garbage. I take it out on a giant spoon.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Who Knows Best? Dirty Comic vs. Christian Comic
Curly Comedy sits down with two performing stereotypes to interview them on their technique.
On Black Audiences
Dirty Comic: I love black rooms. I've been on BET's Comic View several times. Because I'm white, they always look at me like, "What's this chump doing here?" And then I cue the DJ to play some Gerald Levert while I hump the stool. I do my bit called B****es Ain't Sh** which ends with a back flip, and then I start break dancin' (gets up to pop and lock), and they're like, "Aww sh**! This is the hotness!" (sits down). I got a standing ovation at Showtime at the Apollo. You have to be sympathetic to the race and meet them at their level.
Christian Comic: I perform for a lot of all-black churches. If there's one thing that unites audiences of all races it's God's love. And cable knit sweaters.
On Clothes
Dirty Comic: Leather. Always. It says Early Chris Rock, it's an homage to the Dice Man, and the crowd subconsciously thinks you're tough (if you haven't shadow boxed your way onto the stage already). Also a clean pair of drawers in case you get lucky later.
Christian Comic: I find a neatly pressed button-down shirt says, "I'm not threatening, and I'm an upstanding citizen." It's important to let your audience know you're there to make them laugh and not to scare them. For taped specials I wear something a family member made me, and throw it over the shirt. It's a shout-out immortalized in VHS.
On Having Draw
Dirty Comic: When I get booked to a club I make 'em a deal. I say, "If I fill the house, I take the door, but I'll sell my merch' out back in the alley." This works pretty good except in the winter. Business slows down because fewer people want a jersey that says, "I Wash My Balls". I gotta remember to invest in baseball shirts.
Christian Comic: Well, I always offer my services free to a church, but they take up a collection for me and never let me go home empty-handed because God is good. At middle schools, we usually agree to a set fee, and I get a free hot lunch. Some supplemental income comes from working as a motivational speaker at conventions in hotel ballrooms. Most of my draw is as a wedding singer.
On Drinking While Performing
Dirty Comic: I used to go on stage with a Hennesey and Coke and a cigarette, unless it was a young crowd, and then I'd just drink the beer on the table in front of me. But that was in the '80s. I gotta take care of my health now--doctor's orders--so it's strictly water on stage for me. And vodka after the show.
Christian Comic: I do a bit with Mr. Pickles here (holds up black cat puppet, says through teeth,"Your detter half,") Better half? Oh now, come on. He drinks a glass of water while I sing, and the audience just howls. (Through teeth, "I prefer nilk,") Yes, we all know you love milk, Mr. Pickles. ("Nilk and cookies") Now one more interruption like that, and I'm going to take you to get fixed! (puppets eyes get wide). Where was I? Oh yes, any other beverage on stage might spill on my guitar, so I abstain.
On Black Audiences
Dirty Comic: I love black rooms. I've been on BET's Comic View several times. Because I'm white, they always look at me like, "What's this chump doing here?" And then I cue the DJ to play some Gerald Levert while I hump the stool. I do my bit called B****es Ain't Sh** which ends with a back flip, and then I start break dancin' (gets up to pop and lock), and they're like, "Aww sh**! This is the hotness!" (sits down). I got a standing ovation at Showtime at the Apollo. You have to be sympathetic to the race and meet them at their level.
Christian Comic: I perform for a lot of all-black churches. If there's one thing that unites audiences of all races it's God's love. And cable knit sweaters.
On Clothes
Dirty Comic: Leather. Always. It says Early Chris Rock, it's an homage to the Dice Man, and the crowd subconsciously thinks you're tough (if you haven't shadow boxed your way onto the stage already). Also a clean pair of drawers in case you get lucky later.
Christian Comic: I find a neatly pressed button-down shirt says, "I'm not threatening, and I'm an upstanding citizen." It's important to let your audience know you're there to make them laugh and not to scare them. For taped specials I wear something a family member made me, and throw it over the shirt. It's a shout-out immortalized in VHS.
On Having Draw
Dirty Comic: When I get booked to a club I make 'em a deal. I say, "If I fill the house, I take the door, but I'll sell my merch' out back in the alley." This works pretty good except in the winter. Business slows down because fewer people want a jersey that says, "I Wash My Balls". I gotta remember to invest in baseball shirts.
Christian Comic: Well, I always offer my services free to a church, but they take up a collection for me and never let me go home empty-handed because God is good. At middle schools, we usually agree to a set fee, and I get a free hot lunch. Some supplemental income comes from working as a motivational speaker at conventions in hotel ballrooms. Most of my draw is as a wedding singer.
On Drinking While Performing
Dirty Comic: I used to go on stage with a Hennesey and Coke and a cigarette, unless it was a young crowd, and then I'd just drink the beer on the table in front of me. But that was in the '80s. I gotta take care of my health now--doctor's orders--so it's strictly water on stage for me. And vodka after the show.
Christian Comic: I do a bit with Mr. Pickles here (holds up black cat puppet, says through teeth,"Your detter half,") Better half? Oh now, come on. He drinks a glass of water while I sing, and the audience just howls. (Through teeth, "I prefer nilk,") Yes, we all know you love milk, Mr. Pickles. ("Nilk and cookies") Now one more interruption like that, and I'm going to take you to get fixed! (puppets eyes get wide). Where was I? Oh yes, any other beverage on stage might spill on my guitar, so I abstain.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Who Knows Best? Hack vs. Rookie
Curly Comedy sits down with two performing stereotypes to interview them on their technique.
On Hecklers
Rookie: I'm usually thinking too hard to hear what was said in the first place, but no matter what, I gotta insult the person or he wins. Then I think of the joke I was telling when I was interrupted, and I start it from the beginning, because it's a really good joke. If they don't laugh afterwards I start insulting everyone in the room.
Hack: Well, if the heckle comes from a woman I tell her she should get laid. That kills. Then I tell her how I might help her in that department (chuckles to himself). If it's a man, there are many, many ways I can jokingly get him on my side. The first way is a callback to [a joke about] my drinking buddy Earl. In fact, that whole bit is designed to be able to use against a heckler later.
On When the Check Drops
Rookie: Man, that's the worst! You're guaranteed no one will listen to you, so don't tell your best jokes. In fact don't tell any jokes at all. Just watch the tables and rip into the first person who passes the bill around.
Hack: I don't think about that moment anymore. Let's see...it's right between "Getting Pets High" and "Wife Spends Too Much" so it's not a problem for me.
On Passing out Fliers
Rookie: You have to. There's no other way to get a good audience.
Hack: I don't believe I know what that is. Fliers for what, a restaurant chain? Oh for my show. That's a New York thing. I do the Indiana, Kentucky, Tennessee circuit so I don't bother with that.
On Getting Action on The Road
Rookie: What road?
Hack: There's always someone you know is gonna be star struck. I pick her out before the show starts. When I get her attention from the stage, I reference an earlier joke about getting busy in a Camaro. In fact, that whole bit is designed to be able to use on some trim later.
On New Material
Rookie: I do something new every other time on stage because otherwise I get bored. It's about making yourself laugh. If it stops making ME laugh, what's the point of telling it?
Hack: If it ain't broke, don't fix it! If I'm a boxer, my fists are what put food on the table. Could you imagine Mike Tyson using his feet? "This is ludakwis. If I don't get good at this I'm gonna have to go back to biting ears." Hey, that's a pretty good one there. Maybe you got a point.
On Hecklers
Rookie: I'm usually thinking too hard to hear what was said in the first place, but no matter what, I gotta insult the person or he wins. Then I think of the joke I was telling when I was interrupted, and I start it from the beginning, because it's a really good joke. If they don't laugh afterwards I start insulting everyone in the room.
Hack: Well, if the heckle comes from a woman I tell her she should get laid. That kills. Then I tell her how I might help her in that department (chuckles to himself). If it's a man, there are many, many ways I can jokingly get him on my side. The first way is a callback to [a joke about] my drinking buddy Earl. In fact, that whole bit is designed to be able to use against a heckler later.
On When the Check Drops
Rookie: Man, that's the worst! You're guaranteed no one will listen to you, so don't tell your best jokes. In fact don't tell any jokes at all. Just watch the tables and rip into the first person who passes the bill around.
Hack: I don't think about that moment anymore. Let's see...it's right between "Getting Pets High" and "Wife Spends Too Much" so it's not a problem for me.
On Passing out Fliers
Rookie: You have to. There's no other way to get a good audience.
Hack: I don't believe I know what that is. Fliers for what, a restaurant chain? Oh for my show. That's a New York thing. I do the Indiana, Kentucky, Tennessee circuit so I don't bother with that.
On Getting Action on The Road
Rookie: What road?
Hack: There's always someone you know is gonna be star struck. I pick her out before the show starts. When I get her attention from the stage, I reference an earlier joke about getting busy in a Camaro. In fact, that whole bit is designed to be able to use on some trim later.
On New Material
Rookie: I do something new every other time on stage because otherwise I get bored. It's about making yourself laugh. If it stops making ME laugh, what's the point of telling it?
Hack: If it ain't broke, don't fix it! If I'm a boxer, my fists are what put food on the table. Could you imagine Mike Tyson using his feet? "This is ludakwis. If I don't get good at this I'm gonna have to go back to biting ears." Hey, that's a pretty good one there. Maybe you got a point.
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