Amateur Night at The Apollo

Afternoon rehearsal



My name in lights! (My middle name is Coca Cola)



Backstage with Kim "Synclair from Living Single" Coles. In a 90s kind of world I'm glad I've got my girl.



Show time!



How did I do? Well, I did not place 1st, 2nd or 3rd by the audience vote, but I didn't get tap-danced off by The Executioner, C.P. Lacey either! Success!

What a fun night. Met a lot of cool people. Grew from the experience. Thank you Apollo!

And a HUGE thank you to the people who got me extra stage time so I could prepare for this performance:

Marlon Randolph (www.punchlinetv.com/2009/12/marlon-randolph)

Lee Lee Fitzgerald

Phoebe Robinson (www.womenincomedyfestival.com/performers/2011/68)

Burt Smooth (www.myspace.com/burtsmooth)

Yannis Pappas (yannispappas.net)

Frank Gallo (http://www.thebanterer.com/gallery.html)

Ruhbin Mehta (www.myspace.com/ruhbinmehta)

Brendan Fitzgibbons (brendanfitzgibbons.wordpress.com)

Lance Weiss (www.lanceweiss.com)

Brooke VanPoppelen (http://brookevanpoppelen.com/)

Giulia Rozzi (giuliarozzi.com)

Marianne Shaberg (http://theworldnyc.com/comedian.cfm?id=1513)

Todd Montesi (www.myspace.com/toddmontesi)

Justin Murray (http://like2laugh.com/comics/comedian.php?ent=Justin%20Murray)

Brushes with Celebrity (Impersonations)

Performed as Sarah Silverman on Schtick or Treat last week. I had a blast! Mindy Tucker (of With Reservation) took such great photos I posted mine on Twitter. Then, to my geeky delight, Ms. Silverman herself gave it her nod of approval!

Speaking of attention from celebrities, I heard Steve Buscemi admired my obscure Halloween costume of "Dionne Warwick on Hollywood Squares" while I marched in the annual Halloween parade in Park Slope. I missed him because I am a big shot, but I turned around and saw him enjoying the rest of the parade in his baseball cap.

Do you hear that plopping sound? That's me name-dropping.


Here's Dionne up close. The secret to her unique nostrils is buttons.

Other Halloween weekend festivities included a costume party, a clothing exchange at my place, pumpkin-carving, the toasting of pumpkin seeds, the hotting of chocolate, and the watching of the new Nightmare on Elm Street. I can't top this year, so next year I plan to join a religion that does not permit me to celebrate the holiday. I'll take your suggestions in the comments section.

LadyBits - Episode 2

Click here for more great photos by our in-house photog Lorna on Flickr.

Our second performance at the dark and lovely Cornelia St. Cafe brought Leah Dubie, Amanda Baramki, Giulia Rozzi and the musical stylings of Jen Kwok! Not to mention our biggest fan Asa and a crowd of comedy-loving goons.

We are still looking for a permanent home. While we shop around, we won't be having any shows, so stay tuned. You can catch Jen and me representing Ladybits on other all-female shows:

Sat Nov 20, 7:30PM
Lady Show in DC (part of an All-Female Festival)
brought to you by Hillary Buckholtz

Thurs Dec 9, 7:00PM
F-Word: Feminism, Funny and Fearless
Angels and Kings, 500 E. 11th St, 10009
Jen and I co-host this fundraiser for Paradigm Shift NYC with Leah King, Jessy Delfino, Jena Friedman.

Interested in learning more about Ladybits? Look no further than our dazzling website: www.ladybitscomedy.com!

Photo credit: Lorna Keuning

Today I'd Like You To Think About Crumbs Cupcakes

Because they're stupid good, and we served them at our Inaugural Ladybits Show!

We actually won't be serving them anymore, so apologies to future fans and thanks to those who came out to support our first show last night!

Thank yous are also in order to:

Matt Ruby of Sandpapersuit.com
Sean McCarthy of thecomicscomic.com
Nate and Keith of theapiary.org
The Gloss
Carolyn Castiglia
Nichelle Stephens
Chris at Cynical-C.com

for the shout-outs!

Thanks to Eric for taking pictures, Molly for sketching the images of the comedians, and viewers like YOU for your donations that make public broadcasting possible.

Raising the Beauty Bar

Enjoyed myself at Vince Averill's and Jesse Popp's Beauty Bar last night. There were three loud laughers up front fully reclined in a leather sofa as if they were watching me in IMAX. The back wall was lined with comics (some booked, some visiting) and some of the more timid audience members. Two Asian gals sat on the side and let me riff with them.

"Growing up I was told I wasn't black enough. Do Asians do that to eachother? 'How was your day?' Good. 'Did you ride the subway?' Yes. 'Did you get a seat?' No, I stood. 'You weren't first to get a seat?! You ain't Asian! You ain't Asian!'"

Dave Rosinsky, Jess Wood, Matt Wayne and Travis Irvine were also on the lineup. No sightings of the elusive Jesse Popp, but I got to see Vince throw down in his Sunday best (a white T-shirt and jeans), so that was exciting. It felt like business as usual, the show ran like a well-oiled machine, and on the subway ride home Jess and I talked turkey. Turkey abortions. Actually about why you don't hear more honest abortion jokes these days. Few people delve into it Pryor-style, speaking from personal experience. Most comics just have a shocking, throw-away line on the subject. I think it's time we come to terms with it. A woman has a right to choose to talk about it. Hanger in there, baby!

Beauty Bar
231 E. 14th St, 10003
Sundays at 9:00PM

Fifty First Jokes

Performed on the 4th Annual Fifty First Jokes show at Webster Hall on Tuesday. It was a fun gathering of a diverse group of comedians. We only got two minutes to share the first ideas we've had since the New Year, but everyone has a different voice and performing style. Some even chose to abandon their typical style and give a different kind of performance, like RG Daniels who showcased his beat boxing skills in a funny news report or Jon Friedman who re-invented the knock-knock joke for the new decade. In the future, knock-knock jokes are asked and answered by the same person.



Photo of me courtesy of the hilarious Mike Drucker. It was one of those nights you go into thinking, "This is gonna be fun!" then "Hoo boy, all my peers are here, and now I have to show off for them. If I bomb I'm going to console myself with a milkshake," then, "Okay everyone's concerned with themselves, so nobody cares if I suck or not," then when you're on stage, "Wow this room is full and really attentive. I could stay here forever," then, "That was fun afterall. I am going to treat myself to a milkshake."

The Foreign Mic

At the Foreign Mic, you wear your best clothes. You start with your strongest oldest jokes. You come to impress. I am not talking about a mic in a hostel with foreigners, I am talking about the open mic outside of your comfort zone. The one in a completely different city. It's funny to go out of town and perform at an open mic because you feel pressure to wow the people in the room. Even though they are all clutching sweaty notes with half-formed ideas. The first impression a comedian wants to make is a funny one. After the mic I learned about other booked shows I should get on when I visit next.

At the Foreign Mic, you take what you get. Above is a pic of Kyle Martin at his open mic in Uptown Tavern in Washington, DC. The very night I was scheduled to perform, the restaurant changed it's name to Sabores.

"What's up...town tavern? That's what I planned to open with. It doesn't work anymore! Que pasa...sabores? See? Oh this is going to be awful..."

They could tell I was joking, and the set was a lot of fun.

At the Foreign Mic, you bring your family. Not only did one kid have both parents in the front row watching him perform for the first time, but my mom was also in the crowd. She was in town and hates missing opportunities to see me shine. As is inevitable with my smokin' hot mama, she was hit on by two comics after the show. She's like a trophy mom--I'm glamorous by association. But the highlight of having her in the crowd is watching her watch the show.

Mom: Can I talk to the comics?
Me: No, please don't heckle the comics.
Mom: I can't heckle anyone?
Me: No. Just enjoy the show.
Mom: Okay.

Two comics in, just like when she watches movies or an episode of Oprah, she can no longer contain herself and gives a verbal response.

Comic: ...and I said you'd better pick it up.
Mom: HAHAHA! Pick it up! (beat) What does that MEAN?

That Might Become a Joke

Performed at Hostel International for the first time last night. Of all the hostels in this city that spring comedy shows on unsuspecting foreigners, this one takes the cake. It was so clean and spacious. It also featured travelers from such corners of the world as Texas, Mexico, Whales and Alaska. In other words, they spoke English. Even the Swedes could follow.

These rooms are the best for abandoning material and making a friend. Because unless you create a rapport with the visitors, you don't know why they're not laughing (Angry? Sad? Bored? Stupid?) So in between jokes I did crowd work to get more enthusiasm. Sometimes just riffing can lead you to a joke you never knew you had.

My exchange with a sniffling Australian:

Me: You're holding Kleenex. Do you have a cold?
Aussie: Yeah, I don't know what to take. I don't understand American medicine.
Me: And yet, you speak English. "This one says, 'treats a cold...' what does that MEAN?!"
Aussie: There's too many different kinds, I don't know what to use.
Me: That's true. You can get your medicine in pill form, liquid form, tea form, burger form.
Aussie: (quizzical look)
Me: That's what I tell myself when I'm at McDonalds. "Mama needs her medicine."

Special thanks to Ruhbin Mehta for having me on. Mad Dog Mattern had a really fun set where he challenged himself to have a one-on-one with each of the 15 audience members. He discovered a possible half-brother, a feminist from China, a 12 year old Swedish heckler, and a man whose beard cures diseases.

Hostelling International
891 Amsterdam Avenue
New York, NY 10025

Vox Poppin'

Emily Epstein to Statue of Liberty replica: "You in the back, Ma'am, the one in green--you have a question?"

Had a good time hosting Rachael Parenta's Vox Pop comedy show at the coffee house by the same name in Ditmas Park. We had a fun show. Pat O'Shea unveiled new sideburns, Charles Star emerged from babydom to make a special appearance, Paul Goncalves got all Marc Maron-y on stage (essence of), Rachael popped off her shortest jokes in a fast-paced end to a fun set, and Luke was the closer. I tried to weave the real life observation of a dog that was in the back of the coffee shop into my jokes about breeds. But I went back and forth with the pet-owners about whether it was a Boston Terrier or a Frenchie, and finally the shop-owner urged us to move on because he wasn't supposed to know about pets in the first place.

Sorry to be the whistle-blower. It's my job to point things out.

Another funny moment was this bespectacled couple in the middle of the room that was loathe to participate. Luke asked general questions of the audience and after the two didn't answer any he concluded that they did not speak English. They insisted they did, and then they just sat like stones. In a warmly-lit coffee shop with everyone around you shouting answers, there's no need to be afraid. It only supports my theory that people with glasses are weird.

Vox Pop
3rd Saturdays at 9:00PM, FREE
1022 Courtelyou Rd, Brooklyn 11218
(Dec 19th features Rob Cantrell!)

Setting the (Beauty) Bar High

Here's Luke performing at Vince Averill's and Jesse Pop's show at Beauty Bar. The very show I lamented forgetting about a couple weeks ago.

Luke had a fine set, Vince was great as usual, and I got to meet Mike Kosta and Ilana Glazer for the first time. I laughed particularly hard at Brent Sullivan, who recently appeared on Comedy Central's Live at Gotham. He has one joke about the first time he ever made himself laugh. It begins, "You know how some people have those faces that are so ugly, it just really makes you mad?" The set-up holds a lot of promise and does not disappoint. Brent has an unusually calm, slow-paced delivery that reels you in, and then he drops a hilarious punchline on you from out of nowhere.

Beauty Bar
Sundays at 9:00PM
231 E 14th St, 10003
FREE

Lounge Lizards

After hearing stories of people performing in laundromats and gas stations, and after having lived through performing in basements and on the street by a subway station, I have one more for the history books. I performed in the lounge of a high-end apartment complex in Times Square.

The first cool thing about the night was that I saw Laurie Metcalf in the lobby. She stole glances at me about three times as if to say, "You do recognize me, don't you?" All celebs do this. They can't help it. By the way, she does not like to be called, "AUNT JACKIE!!" The second cool thing was that it was next to the Hershey's store, so I had Twizzlers for dinner. I just stared off and let them dangle from my mouth, like a horse eating hay.



I also found this pack of hockey puck-sized Reese's cups. WORLD'S LARGEST. Only fifteen dollars. You know, what you would pay two people to have lunch.

The show itself was fun. The layout of the room was two different waiting areas. The audiences could not see each other, and without a mic, you felt like you had to project your voice in two different directions. It reminded me of doing dinner theater where you have to keep entering rooms to entertain people. Jeff Ashworth, Nick Cobb, Gilad Foss and I had lots of fun and well-received sets.

Performing on the street still takes the cake. I was right outside of a Subway entrance, and every five minutes there was a mass exodus of "audience." I couldn't get full bits out. I just did moving crowd work. "You look like Einstein! Fred Flintstone, what are you doing wearing shoes? Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman I presume?"

Coffee? Tea? Me?

Worked out plenty of new jokes at Luke's Show in Harlem last night. The turnout was decent, with every audience member engaged and ready to laugh. The venue is a coffee shop which makes it hard to deal with people that DON'T want to watch a show. "Oh you go on and do your comedy thing. I'm just going to talk loudly on my cell phone. Marsha? HI! A comedy show just started inches in front of me! Is it funny? I don't know! Let me check! (pause) No, no one's saying anything! It's really quiet in here actually!"

Perhaps I worked out too many new ones, because there were those long gaps of silence that no amount of playful ad-libbing could save. The only remedy would have been stock material. Afterwards, Luke, Nick Cobb and I rode the train home, dissecting which bits need work. Luke said, "If you had asked me before the show how much new stuff you should do, I would say, 20-30% new material, and 80-70% stuff that you know works." Well I DIDN'T ASK YOU. At least I got one quiet lady to quietly laugh at a new bit about babysitting.

Society Comedy
Mondays at 8:00PM
2104 Frederick Douglas Blvd (at 114th)
New York, NY 10026

Seeing Red

I got a last-minute call to fill a spot on SRSLY LOL, a show created by H. Alan Scott, run by Bryan Wilson and Gary Hannon (and there's a funny guy running sound named Grady who's part of the show). On my way there I ran into Gilad Foss and Sean Donnelly outside of a convenience store. Sean offered me cashews. I say, "convenience store" and not "bodega" because there was no Latin music playing, and I didn't see any cats.

I went up first, and Gilad went second. Sean dropped in to watch, and Vicki Ferentinos and Ophira Eisenberg were on deck. There was a drag queen in the house with a huge red afro and gray tights, like the ones I was wearing. I told Gilad that I wished I had said something to her, "Usually I have the biggest hair in the room..." He noticed her too and wondered why he hadn't commented on her during his set. In hindsight, she was pacing alongside the stage, snapping her fingers every so often, and people who want to be part of the show are sometimes better off left alone, if you want to get any of your jokes out. But hats off to my first Abbi impersonator. Now I know how Madonna feels.

As we rode the train home, Gilad bowed his head and murmered, "That red-headed lady is staring really hard at me," I looked around, and sure enough, piercing us with her clear eyes was Ginger Spice looking very perturbed.



I was so startled I burst out laughing, and she promptly looked away and disappeared.

SRSLY LOL
Tuesdays at 9:30PM
Metropolitan Bar
559 Lorimer St, Brooklyn, 11211

Melt Your Blues Away

My only gig this weekend was emceeing the aforementioned "Mommy Needs a Cocktail" event at Melt in Park Slope, BK. It turned out to be pretty fun, and featured the storytelling of Randi Skaggs and Jen Lee, poetry by Michele Madigan Somerville, and comedy by my homey from another Momey, Carolyn Castiglia.

Jen opened up with a great mother-daughter bonding tale of seat-searching in Starbucks and offered a discount for her writing class to all attendees. Michele followed with an ode to MILFs and dozens of other hilarious phrases that acronym could stand for. Randi took her turn, and I had been warned that she was sharing something serious. I was told jokes might not be appropriate before or after her piece. Don't tell that to a comedian. After I listened to Randi's story of postpartum depression I instinctively volunteered to spank her child for her. "I offer my services in Target all the time, but no one ever takes me up on it."

I had pulled pork sliders, cheesey hors d'oeuvres, free chocolate and went home with a goodie bag, so not bad for a Sunday night. It was a change of pace from the average restaurant show because there was no loud music to compete with, and the room was full of patiently attentive people who came to be entertained. Lots of pregnant ladies in the room, but I refuse to acknowledge it on stage if I haven't confirmed it before hand. I am paranoid because I guessed wrong once. This just in: ladies do not like to be asked if their pregnant when they're not NOR do they like to be told afterwards they have impressive beer bellies.

Photo credit:
www.meltnyc.com

Interracial Happenings

Luke and I performed on Liz Miele and Reese Waters' new show at Local 269 last night. If you don't know who they are, maybe you haven't watched a show called Comedy Central's Live at Gotham. The theme was interracial dating, featuring Adrienne Iapalucci, Brandon Victor Dixon, and a short film we made on the subject called, "This is How We Do It." In addition to having fun sets, it was cool to see the movie for the first time. Other performers from the film like Mo Diggs and Cathleen Carr, were in the audience to support.

My only regret is I had Rae Dawn Chong hair last night. The kind from Soul Man. Ugh. But I made the most of it.



"That's the daughter of Tommy Chong. Do you think anyone's disappointed to know that one of America's most beloved stoners has the last name CHONG? I mean besides all the Chinese people in the world? We work-a hard for our stelly-o-types! (pointing to an Asian man in the audience), He told me to do that. He said, Make sure the R is pronounced like an L or they won't get it."

Sinbad to the Bone

Had a busy weekend that stretched to the following week!

Friday was The Living Room.

Saturday marked my first time performing at Gotham Comedy Club. This was for Jessica Kirson's New Talent show that I think is a bringer, but having taken a one-on-one session, I was given a guest pass to perform.

Sunday featured two open mic sets. The first was at 8:00PM for the last Sunday Soiree at Botanica Bar. I had run this show since the summer, taking the torch from Joe Dixon who got it from Ian Jensen. Josh Filipowski started the show 5 years ago, and due to renovation of the show room, was asked to shut it down.

I had a really fun set at Perch Cafe around 10:00PM that prompted a giggling audience member to tell me after the show, "Your comic timing was PERFECT!"

Monday brought new faces to Root Hill open mic, the one I run (it's in a brand new coffee shop that won't need renovation any time soon!) It was fun to see the regulars and meet some newcomers to comedy I had seen on the commercial auditioning scene. Oh, actors who want to dabble in stand-up...care to master paint restoration while you're at it?

Tuesday was a day of rest, as the Good Lord commanded. Unfortunately The Mentalist does not come on Tuesdays so I was stuck hanging out with friends.

Wednesday was the day I was waiting for, where I could dress and perform as one of my favorite childhood comedians, Sinbad at Schtick or Treat. At Matt Ruby and Mark Normand's Halloween tribute show, my performance was sub-par. Don't get me wrong, I had a blast, but I focused more on trying to get his wording right and less on embodying his energy and mannerisms. Also I got a "rapper wig" (see above) which didn't fit my head very well and kept sliding upwards.

So instead of looking like this:


I looked like this:

4th Annual Living Room Scare-avaganza

Friday it rained hard, and just a day after Luke's surgery meant he had to stay home, and I would run The Living Room Show solo. It was our 4th annual Halloween Scare-avaganza! The place was full, there was a prize for best costume, and even though no one dressed up, Angela Lansbury still won.

Open Mic Smack Down

There is a mic across the street from the one I host on Monday nights in Park Slope, Brooklyn. I would like to take this time to address the producers of the Lyceum Mic.



It's good that Thanksgiving is around the corner, because I know right where to find a couple of TURKEYS. Lyceum open mic, your days are numbered. I'm gonna go out and I'm gonna buy a BLANKET and a PILLOW, and a BOTTLE and a DIAPER because when I get through with you, you'll be cryin' to your Mamas about how big, bad and mean the Root Hill Mic is. I don't know where you got the idea in your tiny, peanut brains that you could defeat the Root Hill, but my fists are gonna turn them into peanutbutter, and the only thinking you'll have to do is figuring out where to buy a cast big enough for all the carnage. Call your friends, call your family, call Radio Shack and tell them you're gonna have to return your sound equipment, because you have exactly one minute to pack up and leave town BEFORE THE ROOT HILL HURRICANE GETS DESTRUCTIVE ON YOUR SORRY, RINKY-DINK, ONE-MIC CIRCUS!!!

We had a great turnout at Root Hill last night, but everyone did their best impression of Jerry Seinfeld by popping in and popping out. Hats off to Charles Gould who made it his duty to stick around til the very last drop of comedy was squeezed.

For info on all open mics in the country, visit: badslava.com , the Best Open Mic list there is!

Your Sunday Options

You can find a place to perform stand-up comedy in New York City every day of the week. Even on the day of rest. For instance, I host a show on Sundays called Sunday Soiree. I produce on behalf of Josh Filipowski, while he takes a pseudo-sabbatical to teach English in Costa Rica. The back room of Botanica Bar is getting a face lift soon, comedians, so pop through on Sundays at 7:00PM because we will be on hiatus after October.

We had some audience members who said they were from Boston. I felt I should have made a baseball reference but I am clueless about baseball. "How about them Tigers?" I said with a shrug. This is the second time in the past few days I have dropped the ball on crowd work. Or I kept the ball going, but I didn't use it to alley oop and score one for the team. There, I know SOMEthing about baseball! Suffice it to say, when audience members have lobbed up a high one, "We're from Boston," "We're from Germany," "I have a boyfriend," I haven't exactly smacked it down. That just takes time I guess. Time or the abilities of a mentalist.

Brendan Fitzgibbons and I rode back to Park Slope together, but on the subway platform we talked shop with Brett Roberson. Appearing on the show were Moody McCarthy (pictured above), Joe Dixon, Tim Homayoon, Selena Coppock, Zach McGovern, Chris DeStefano, Bob Bell, Lance Weiss, Nacho Avg, and newcomers Andy Mel and Anat Aronowicz.

Afterwards I met up with Nick Cobb at the Perch open mic that goes on from 7:00PM til the cows come home. I guess I was the cow, because I went on last. It was fun. Brendan's a powerhouse and not only had he done Sunday Soiree and Perch but was moving on to Bar Four after that (Yannis Pappas has a Sunday show there now), and I caught him the following night at my open mic, before he jetted off to the Lyceum mic across the street. Maybe he's getting geared up to launch his new show at the end of the week, which I'll christen with my presence.

Gandhi, is that you?
Cafe Vivaldi
32 Jones St, 10014
Thursdays at 11:00PM

Guest Hosting If You Build It

For all the people that ever ask whether Luke and I perform on stage together, the answer is YES! When someone asks us to. Otherwise we have our own separate stand-up acts and rarely write sketches starring each other anymore.

In Rob O'Reilly and Barry Rothbart's absence, Luke and I guest hosted "If You Build It," at Karma Lounge on Saturday. We took the stage and riffed on surgery, broken iPhones, Obama and our relationship. This was followed by fantastic sets by Jared Logan, Del, Lance Weiss, Jay Bois and Phil Murphy.

In addition to Dens the bartender and Jay's fabulous wife, we had one audience member named Missy who was very vocal about her German boyfriend's anatomy and was a hearty laugher. Several more people drifted in and out depending on the set. Despite the basement setting and astonishingly low turnout, everyone had a lot of fun playing around on stage.

I joked that the show was called, "If You Build It" because it's just like the movie Field of Dreams. Nothing exciting happens until it's almost over.

Need more Crutchfield-Thayer-Crutchfield brand entertainment? You can also catch us opening the Living Room Show simultaneously every 2nd and 4th Friday. Next show is THIS FRI OCT 23, for the Annual Halloween Scare-avaganza! Prize for best costume!

By the way, the photo above came from here.