Monday, December 28, 2009

Hot Mic

As many of you know, the open mic I run has gone from weekly to monthly. December's Root Hill Mic was an evening to behold. Accoustic Reggae Rap, Old Timers, Out-of-Towners and Sassy Women. What's gonna happen in January?

Be sure to hit up the next one on Mon Jan 4th! Sign up as early as 7:00PM.

Root Hill Open Mic at 8:00PM
Root Hill Cafe
262 4th Ave (@ Carroll St)
Brooklyn, NY 11215

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Ask Abbi: Cutting Ties

Adria writes:

Should Elin leave Tiger?

I thought she already had! Only because investigators found the following message written in lipstick on the mirror of the Woods family bathroom:

Eenie Meenie Miney Mo
Catch a Tiger by his ho
If he cheats then let him go
Eenie Meenie Miney Mo

I think she's ready to cut ties. And socks and shirts and those stupid green blazers he won. Whenver the question of divorce comes up, we inevitably think about the kids. Sure Tiger will go right back to golfing and Elin will get a book deal, but what about their children? I'm not worried about them. I've been there. If my life is any indication, one of them will get a college scholarship and end up working in our nation's capital. The other will graduate from Georgetown and be on TV.

Broken homes just make a single mom work twice as hard, be twice as strict with academics and pour all her love into the kids. If two multiracial children raised by a non-celebritity can manage, then two millionaire babies will be just fine. The real question is, when neither parent fights for custody, does the nanny get child support?

Feel free to post your questions for Abbi in the comments section, to be answered in a later post, or write curlycomedy (at) with "Ask Abbi" in the Subject.

Photo credit:

Monday, December 21, 2009

Ask Abbi: Friendly Competition

Karine writes:

Do things ever get competitive with you and Luke over comedy?

The last time Luke and I competed directly against each other was in Indiana in 2004. We were at an open mic that for some reason required the audience to rank the participants. We were both voted as finalists. He won by audience applause. I don't remember what he won. I just called to ask him, but he can't remember either. We still put our names in the hat for consideration in comedy gigs, but it's less of a competition and more of a shared raffle ticket. We've auditioned for spots at clubs, improv teams, on shows and been in contests to play cruise ships. We both audition for commercials and respond to postings about radio and TV spots. If either of us gets anything the other shares in the success. Plus we have different interests and different strengths. If I ended up hosting a sports - comedy talk show and he ended up playing the romantic lead opposite Mos Def then the gloves would go back on.

Feel free to post your questions for Abbi in the comments section, to be answered in a later post, or write curlycomedy (at) with "Ask Abbi" in the Subject.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Worst Idea Ever

Let's get the obvious out of the way: pudding is not supposed to be pink. Most pink snacks are gross. Red gelatin mixed with whipped cream can make a pink snack, but even then you ask yourself why you're not enjoying real, unfettered Jell-o. Pudding is traditionally brown, beige or some other skin tone. Pink pudding is vanilla with a sunburn. Most of us would leave it out by the pool.

Secondly, flavor-texture clash. The novelty of anything that tastes like bubble gum is that it IS bubble gum, so you get to chew it. Bubble gum flavored pudding is at best, regurgitated gum, and at worst, thick medicine. This is like when someone thought it would be great to make a chewy jelly bean taste like formerly smooth and creamy peanutbutter. Who on Earth did that? Let me think. Oh yeah: JELLY BELLY. The very same Island of Dr. Moreau candy factory that had no business meddling with a perfect pudding recipe. I will save these for April Fool's when I want to prank someone. But first I'll have to trick them into sitting down to a cup of pink pudding.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Pact with Protein

I recorded an industrial video at NYU a few weeks ago. Directed by Laura Newman of Irreverent Films, cinematography by Paul Rondeau and co-starring Hunter Cain, who you may remember from the Judge Sassy video.

The video is to educate kids on the research NYU conducts with regard to proteins. I am your fun host, Abbi Wizard, the Science Guy. We set up a green screen in a classroom, and I donned a chef's hat to explain the process as if on a cooking show.

Hunter Cain played a protein, and cracked us up all day with how claustrophobic he felt in in his crotch-constricting suit.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

It's That Time Again

The time of year where we purchase an extra box of Swiss Miss hot cocoa, we light a pine-scented candle, and we celebrate not getting snowed in with a serial killer. I'm talking about Dean Martin's "Baby It's Cold Outside", the untold story.

Thanks to Meredith at "Never Slap the Gift Donkey" for posting it and kicking off the holiday season!

And thanks to Chris at "Cynical-C" for making it a tradition this year and last.

Catch all the new holiday hijinx LIVE on Fri Dec 11, 8:00PM
The Living Room Show
Postmark Cafe
326 6th Street, 11215
Keith Alberstadt (Fallon) hosts Leo Allen (SNL), Tom Shillue (Comedy Central) and Kumail Nanjiani (Kimmel), Luke Thayer and Yours Truly!

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

McDonalds Cash Register

Ages three and up, because it's never too soon to start planning their future.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Dog Gone Lazy

White Elephant season is upon us. I was walking around Target looking for a toothbrush that played Lil' Wayne songs when I found a new gag gift: Snuggies for Dogs. I already make a joke about dogs not needing buttons or pockets, and that goes double for sleeves. Dogs don't need sleeves. "Keep your paws free!" What for? They can't use their paws to grab anything in the first place. The best they can do is spill bowls, and why would you want to encourage THAT? All of this besides the obvious point that dogs don't need blankets. They already are wearing a blanket with sleeves--it's called their fur.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

The Foreign Mic

At the Foreign Mic, you wear your best clothes. You start with your strongest oldest jokes. You come to impress. I am not talking about a mic in a hostel with foreigners, I am talking about the open mic outside of your comfort zone. The one in a completely different city. It's funny to go out of town and perform at an open mic because you feel pressure to wow the people in the room. Even though they are all clutching sweaty notes with half-formed ideas. The first impression a comedian wants to make is a funny one. After the mic I learned about other booked shows I should get on when I visit next.

At the Foreign Mic, you take what you get. Above is a pic of Kyle Martin at his open mic in Uptown Tavern in Washington, DC. The very night I was scheduled to perform, the restaurant changed it's name to Sabores.

"What's tavern? That's what I planned to open with. It doesn't work anymore! Que pasa...sabores? See? Oh this is going to be awful..."

They could tell I was joking, and the set was a lot of fun.

At the Foreign Mic, you bring your family. Not only did one kid have both parents in the front row watching him perform for the first time, but my mom was also in the crowd. She was in town and hates missing opportunities to see me shine. As is inevitable with my smokin' hot mama, she was hit on by two comics after the show. She's like a trophy mom--I'm glamorous by association. But the highlight of having her in the crowd is watching her watch the show.

Mom: Can I talk to the comics?
Me: No, please don't heckle the comics.
Mom: I can't heckle anyone?
Me: No. Just enjoy the show.
Mom: Okay.

Two comics in, just like when she watches movies or an episode of Oprah, she can no longer contain herself and gives a verbal response.

Comic: ...and I said you'd better pick it up.
Mom: HAHAHA! Pick it up! (beat) What does that MEAN?