Monday, January 31, 2011

Board Game Flashback: Operation

Subconsciously, kids are probably attracted to playing Operation because you get to turn the tables on a clown. Take back the fright. He's much smaller, naked, stuck on his back, and helpless to your maniacal probing with terrifying instruments. He doesn't look happy about this. He's sorry he scared you in so many movies and cartoons.

My immediate memory of this game is how impossible it is to play. It's like trying to remove a pimento from an olive using salad tongs. But you can't touch the olive. An off-putting buzzing sound alerts you to your ineptitude. The game bypasses an opportunity to teach anatomical accuracy and instead employs idioms like a butterfly representing butterflies in the stomach, a horse representing a charlie horse in the leg or a pail representing water on the knee. But some of the removable objects go beyond pun territory into a land called JUST THINK OF SOMETHING - WE HAVE A DEADLINE. A pencil in the wrist to indicate a writer's cramp (ouch), a bread basket located in the gut (huh?), an area with no name, just a song lyric - "the ankle bone's connected to the knee bone". What bone? It's a rubber band. Are there any bones in this body? Oh yeah a funny bone, which is the hilarious shape of a typical bone.

The picture above suggests there is money involved in this game, but kids are interested in the extraction not subtraction. Most of my friends and I just took turns failing at surgical procedures. A great pre-cursor to med school.

As with every board game I lost, this is how I usually reacted 15 minutes in.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Adventures in Your Computer

I've been appearing online different places. Luckily I have a net that can capture all of these magical moments. An Internet net! Time for a net-net investment in Internet nets Annette!

This is my joke about hairless cats which may not be loved by those to whom hairless cats are beloved. In the Joke of the Day series, a comedian tells a joke, and the viewer gets to choose to have fruits or vegetables be thrown! Fresh, not frozen.

I'm also on They have a segment called U Rant, where you get to share your two cents on a pop culture current event. Like Hollywood's reaction to Ricky Gervais hosting the Golden Globes...

...or the hundred year-old news of Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal stopping pretending to be dating. Triple Gerund! Time to reward myself with a new MLA Handbook.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Live and In Person

Here are places you can see my act live this week!

Tues Jan 18
8:00PM - Positively Awesome at Cellar 58
9:30PM - Sits and Jigles at Creek and the Cave

Wed Jan 19
8:30PM - Brew House Comedy at Astoria Brewhouse (pictured above)

Friday, January 14, 2011

Today I'd Like You To Think About Cinnamon Roll Ear Muffs

Much like the unicorn, they don't exist. But unlike the unicorn, there aren't even any Photoshopped pictures of them online! What gives? I want a pair. When you Google "Cinnamon roll ear muffs" you get a website called Naughty Secretary. I can only guess which key word brings it up.

Anyway, while I wait for the makers of ear muffs to get a modicum of creativity, I have purchased these in the mean time:

Ear Mitts,the bandless ear muffs

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

So THIS is Happening on Thursday

Get your tickets today!
Not Getting It: Rejection and Resilient Ignorance
Thurs Jan 13, 2011 at 6:00PM
UCB Theater
307 W. 26th St (between 8th and 9th aves)
New York, NY 10001

For five dollars you get to check out THREE amazing shows. In addition to mine, you'll see:

The Sandino Book Club: Catcher in the Rye

Welcome to Camp

The title of my show is misleading. It could totally be about the number of times I have interpreted "No," to mean, "Please try again," but who wants to see a show about me asking a guy out / telling bad jokes / applying glitter nail polish to my eye lids to create a shimmer effect?

This is about the decline of celebrity, the delusion of self-importance and the warm and fuzzy feeling redemption brings. Plus an excuse to dress like a kid, poke fun at political figures and do a Carol Channing impression. Can't wait to see you there!

Directed by Kate Tellers
Flier by Greg Gilbert of Aemiessence Fine Arts
Video in the show by Daniel Lang