Lounge Lizards

After hearing stories of people performing in laundromats and gas stations, and after having lived through performing in basements and on the street by a subway station, I have one more for the history books. I performed in the lounge of a high-end apartment complex in Times Square.

The first cool thing about the night was that I saw Laurie Metcalf in the lobby. She stole glances at me about three times as if to say, "You do recognize me, don't you?" All celebs do this. They can't help it. By the way, she does not like to be called, "AUNT JACKIE!!" The second cool thing was that it was next to the Hershey's store, so I had Twizzlers for dinner. I just stared off and let them dangle from my mouth, like a horse eating hay.



I also found this pack of hockey puck-sized Reese's cups. WORLD'S LARGEST. Only fifteen dollars. You know, what you would pay two people to have lunch.

The show itself was fun. The layout of the room was two different waiting areas. The audiences could not see each other, and without a mic, you felt like you had to project your voice in two different directions. It reminded me of doing dinner theater where you have to keep entering rooms to entertain people. Jeff Ashworth, Nick Cobb, Gilad Foss and I had lots of fun and well-received sets.

Performing on the street still takes the cake. I was right outside of a Subway entrance, and every five minutes there was a mass exodus of "audience." I couldn't get full bits out. I just did moving crowd work. "You look like Einstein! Fred Flintstone, what are you doing wearing shoes? Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman I presume?"

Coffee? Tea? Me?

Worked out plenty of new jokes at Luke's Show in Harlem last night. The turnout was decent, with every audience member engaged and ready to laugh. The venue is a coffee shop which makes it hard to deal with people that DON'T want to watch a show. "Oh you go on and do your comedy thing. I'm just going to talk loudly on my cell phone. Marsha? HI! A comedy show just started inches in front of me! Is it funny? I don't know! Let me check! (pause) No, no one's saying anything! It's really quiet in here actually!"

Perhaps I worked out too many new ones, because there were those long gaps of silence that no amount of playful ad-libbing could save. The only remedy would have been stock material. Afterwards, Luke, Nick Cobb and I rode the train home, dissecting which bits need work. Luke said, "If you had asked me before the show how much new stuff you should do, I would say, 20-30% new material, and 80-70% stuff that you know works." Well I DIDN'T ASK YOU. At least I got one quiet lady to quietly laugh at a new bit about babysitting.

Society Comedy
Mondays at 8:00PM
2104 Frederick Douglas Blvd (at 114th)
New York, NY 10026

My Mic Sounds Nice

I attended the Gotham Open Mic and won a free spot on Jessica Kirson's New Talent Showcase. How can YOU get a chance to win? Take one of Jessica's classes / coaching sessions, regularly attend the mic, give feedback to other comics, and stay until the very end. All of these things seem stupid to the new comic. I see it a lot at mics I host--the greener the comedian, the less time they want to stay and watch someone else. They're usually too nervous to pay attention or too eager to get back home. Sometimes they want to leave because they think that's what "real comics" do--appear too important to need to stick around. And sometimes they don't want to hear bad comedy. When it comes to feedback they are too proud to receive it and too self-conscious to offer it to anyone else. They also don't want to take a stand-up comedy class. This I understand--I don't believe in stand-up comedy classes as a necessity to get better. Neither does Jerry Seinfeld. But a lot of people could benefit from advice, as I did with a 1-on-1 session.

I like this particular mic because it's a chance to have receive honest critique in a positive atmosphere. A lot of the feedback contradicts itself, so you have to take it with a grain of salt. But it's always offered with the best intentions. The mic is led by Yonah Ward Grossman, whose funny reminder e-mails are reason enough for being on the mailing list.

For more details on all open mics, check out badslava.com, the best open mic list there is!

Missing a Gig

Last night while checking my e-mail I realized I was scheduled to do Vince Averill's and Jesse Pop's Beauty Bar show a week ago. I failed to put it in my calendar, and so I completely missed it. That's a horrible feeling for a comedian. Not only does it make you look unprofessional but it is a missed opportunity to get better. Every minute of stage time is crucial to growth as a comic. Remember how Kris-Kross felt when they missed the bus? It's like that.

On the bright side, I did fold some socks that night.

Let's Not Beat Around the Bush

In my spam folder I got a message marked, "SPAM" in the title. Well, at least they're honest. As for the rest of the subject line, I do not plan on calling to confirm.

Baloon Boy and Mom Go Into Hiding

Or is it just another publicity stunt?

Ask Abbi: Hit the Bricks

Chris of Cynical-C.com writes:

Why do comics traditionally stand in front of a brick wall to do standup?

I'm not sure I know what you're talking about.



Do you mean, why do they stand when doing stand-up? It's in the job description.



Or why do they traditionally stand in front of a wall? Well, buildings have walls. It's hard not to do stand-up in front of a wall unless you're performing under a circus tent. But even tents have tent walls.



If you're asking specifically about the bricks, well, I don't know that it's a tradition per se. I mean it's not as if this was a prerequisite or an archetype of what it meant to do comedy decades ago.



And it's not like really established comedians do it.



I shouldn't even answer this question. I mean it's just not a concept I'm familiar with.



Feel free to post your questions for Abbi in the comments section, to be answered in a later post, or write curlycomedy (at) yahoo.com with "Ask Abbi" in the Subject.

The One That Got Away

Sometimes you don't get the commercial you audition for. Actually most times. And you get used to that. But I auditioned for one in particular that I thought would be really fun. This one had a prop microphone in the auditioning room. And you had to pretend to be a stand-up. Me likey!



We had the option of reading the American role and the UK role, if we could fake a British accent. Can I fake one? Chim-chimeney chim-chimeny chim-chim-charoo!

At the callback (CALLBACK? YES!) they told us all to stop kidding ourselves and just do it with our normal US dialects. Fine. We were given several different "bits" to read as a comedian. Great. Then we were asked in, one by one, and David Steinberg was in the room, smiling a patient smile. An I-Direct-Curb-Your-Enthusiasm-And-May-Remember-You-For-Future-Projects smile.

"Hi...uh...you're from the TEE-VEE. Me Abbi. I like to reading for you now." I kept stuttering and lost my cool. He told me to relax and start again. I flubbed the line in a different way, tensed up, apologized, and the mood in the room dropped. The other people evaluating my read were somber. I switched gears and I went with my own stand-up and got a laugh. THERE. But alas, I didn't get the job. And when I see it on TV it's going to remind me of the time I got flustered over a big name. This better be the last time! And by that I mean The Hoff had better not dabble in commercials.

Seeing Red

I got a last-minute call to fill a spot on SRSLY LOL, a show created by H. Alan Scott, run by Bryan Wilson and Gary Hannon (and there's a funny guy running sound named Grady who's part of the show). On my way there I ran into Gilad Foss and Sean Donnelly outside of a convenience store. Sean offered me cashews. I say, "convenience store" and not "bodega" because there was no Latin music playing, and I didn't see any cats.

I went up first, and Gilad went second. Sean dropped in to watch, and Vicki Ferentinos and Ophira Eisenberg were on deck. There was a drag queen in the house with a huge red afro and gray tights, like the ones I was wearing. I told Gilad that I wished I had said something to her, "Usually I have the biggest hair in the room..." He noticed her too and wondered why he hadn't commented on her during his set. In hindsight, she was pacing alongside the stage, snapping her fingers every so often, and people who want to be part of the show are sometimes better off left alone, if you want to get any of your jokes out. But hats off to my first Abbi impersonator. Now I know how Madonna feels.

As we rode the train home, Gilad bowed his head and murmered, "That red-headed lady is staring really hard at me," I looked around, and sure enough, piercing us with her clear eyes was Ginger Spice looking very perturbed.



I was so startled I burst out laughing, and she promptly looked away and disappeared.

Melt Your Blues Away

My only gig this weekend was emceeing the aforementioned "Mommy Needs a Cocktail" event at Melt in Park Slope, BK. It turned out to be pretty fun, and featured the storytelling of Randi Skaggs and Jen Lee, poetry by Michele Madigan Somerville, and comedy by my homey from another Momey, Carolyn Castiglia.

Jen opened up with a great mother-daughter bonding tale of seat-searching in Starbucks and offered a discount for her writing class to all attendees. Michele followed with an ode to MILFs and dozens of other hilarious phrases that acronym could stand for. Randi took her turn, and I had been warned that she was sharing something serious. I was told jokes might not be appropriate before or after her piece. Don't tell that to a comedian. After I listened to Randi's story of postpartum depression I instinctively volunteered to spank her child for her. "I offer my services in Target all the time, but no one ever takes me up on it."

I had pulled pork sliders, cheesey hors d'oeuvres, free chocolate and went home with a goodie bag, so not bad for a Sunday night. It was a change of pace from the average restaurant show because there was no loud music to compete with, and the room was full of patiently attentive people who came to be entertained. Lots of pregnant ladies in the room, but I refuse to acknowledge it on stage if I haven't confirmed it before hand. I am paranoid because I guessed wrong once. This just in: ladies do not like to be asked if their pregnant when they're not NOR do they like to be told afterwards they have impressive beer bellies.

Photo credit:
www.meltnyc.com