Monday, December 13, 2010

Enter Doofus

You know those great commercials where a couple is giving a testimonial to the viewers at home, and a sales associate is standing there calmly? You sit at home and think, "They could replace that person with a giant fern and I wouldn't miss him/her". Well picture me as the fern, doing the following at an audition:

Take one:
The couple announces they tried shopping elsewhere for furniture, and then they came to my store for the better price. There's silence. I'm four feet away, looking at them stand together.

Director: You're supposed to enter the frame to stand next to them and read your line, Abbi.
Me: Oh, right. I thought they would walk back over to me. Even though you explained that I would walk to them. I thought the camera would pan back to where we were all standing at first. But I got it now.

Take two:
The couple says they came to my store for the better price. I walk in and look at the cue card and say, "I told them we have the best deals in town," then I look away from the card at the couple and blank so I add, "...all the right stuff. All the right stuff."

Director: Remember to look at the camera, not the cue card when you say your line. And please say the whole line correctly. And don't repeat a line that's not even on the cue card.
Me: Oh yeah, I will. I wasn't sure if you wanted me to be married to the script or not. Because I started reading it directly, but I wanted to sound natural, so I winged it by reading what I thought it should say. Okay I will just look at the camera the whole time.

Take three:
The couple starts to talk and I walk in and say, "I told them we have the best deals...oh you're not done talking. IDIOT!" I slap my forehead and back out.

Director: Well that's the first time I've heard someone shout, "Idiot!" at one of these things.
Me: Yes, I don't know what's wrong with me, hahaha! Oh no, now I've got the giggles! (To actress) You were talking, and I interruped. I should have waited my turn!
Actress: (glares)
Me: Hahahaha, okay, so this time you guys go first HAHAHA!
Couple: (glares)

The fourth take, I nailed it. If by "nailed it" you understand that I faced the camera but read the line incorrectly again. I also threw in emphatic hand gestures to convey what a great deal this couple was getting. This made me burst out laughing again.

At the elevator, I started to chat up the guy of the couple with, "You'd think it was brain surgery in there!" He gave a pursed-lips smile, got on his phone and turned his back to me.


Chris said...

Brando had no time for scripts either.

He did have time for the buffet though...

I have no point.

Abbi Crutchfield said...

You commented, and that's all that matters.

Chris said...

You know what's missing from your blog? The ability to like or dislike comments :)

anne altman said...

This comment has nothing to do with this post. I would just like to comment on you walking into your "home" on Home Goods and looking super psyched about your new home! Awesome.

Abbi Crutchfield said...

@ Chris:(politely ignoring you)

@ Anne: Thanks! You could say I had been preparing for that role my whole life.