When preparing for a long bus trip, it is important to remember that comfort is key. Some people need food to be comfortable, others need a portable dvd player. As a woman hitting that time of the month, I needed protection. In the span of four hours, I could not rely on the brief pit stop to keep me feeling fresh, and so, I turned to diapers. Adult ones. Big, poofy, baggy, control-top Pampers.
It was my little (albeit bunchy) secret, and it was working. The first leg of the trip went without a hitch. I could nap, toss, turn, and the people around me were none the wiser. Only the baby across the aisle shook his rattle in solidarity.
At the half-way point, we all descended for fast food. I bought my Cinnabons and, once outside, found a sunny bench upon which to enjoy them. A presumptuous gentleman asked if he could join me. Begrudgingly, I shared my table. "As long as he doesn't try to chat with me..." I thought. A gust of wind blew my napkins off the table, and I bent down from my seat to follow them. They blew further away, so I got up, walked a few feet and crouched down to collect the scattered bunch. The guy instantly picked his food up and left. Instinctively I reached behind my back to tug my shirt down, and all I felt was the ribbed waistband of my diaper.
I know what you're thinking. What a jerk. But in his defense, the sun had moved, and maybe he just didn't feel like sitting on a cold concrete bench in the shade. You know how shadows can be so off-putting and ruin your appetite. Especially on a beautiful woman like me, who is far too young and normal-looking to be sitting in such large, conspicuous, absorbant...shadows.