Friday, April 20, 2007

School of Hard Looks

Hello class. I've been in this business longer than anyone. I once showed a young Clara Bow what's what on a pile of celluloid. I changed Bob Hope's diapers, you understand? So you think you're a tough guy, huh? There's a look you'd better master first. It's called the Squint. It used to be called the Squeeze, but I did it best, so they named it for me. Watch and learn, Daisies:

All right kids, let's see what you've got.

No, Pierce. Try to focus. We can tell you're thinking about the craft services table.

How about you Michael?

Well...yes. But you can't hide under those brows all your life. I'm going to need to see more glare to counteract that danged haircut of yours. I understand you'll be wearing black in your film, which will help considerably.

Class, please look to my assistant Jack.

Note how menacing he is. You figure out how to do that while smiling, and you can quote Dirty Harry any time you like.
What's this?

I'm sorry young man. Commercial auditions are down the hall.

You're a bold little punk, aren't you? Look, you don't have what it takes, so beat it before I embarrass you!

All right, you've got guts. Go in the corner and stare at the light until something develops.

Charles, my prize student. What do you have for us?


And now for you, B.W.

Uh oh. Looks like Bruce is giving you a run for your money Chuck. Nice use of cigarette...good facial hair.

Oh come on now, Chuck. Everyone knows you can do it without the moustache. No one likes a show-off.
-BEEP! BEEP!- It's time for my nap, so we'll call it a day. Nice work fellas. Next week the gravel voice. Guest speaker is Bill Pullman. Now get outta here.


activated_charcoal said...

Man, I can't get over how badass Michael Keaton is.

Abbi said...

He's Batman.

michael keaton said...

I'm Batman.

Abbi said...

I told you.