Sunday, October 14, 2007

Forward-Thinking II

Doombah Gizzardsprinkles here! Sometimes a loved one sends you something in the mail that's too goofy to ignore. If you feel like laughing, or if you're like me and you need a new rap name, follow the instructions below. If, on the other hand, you came here to read some original comedy and not anything borrowed from another writer, continue further below to get your new Hipster name. Leave either of your new names in the comments!

The following is excerpted from a children's book, Captain Underpants And
the Perilous Plot Professor Poopypants
, by Dave Pilkey,


in which the evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names...

1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your New first name:

a = snickle
b = doombah
c = goober
d = cheesey
e = crusty
f = greasy
g = dumbo
h = farcus
i = dorky
j = doofus
k = funky
l = boobie
m = sleezy
n = sloopy
o = fluffy
p = stinky
q = slimy
r = dorfus
s = snooty
t = tootsie
u = dipsy
v = sneezy
w = liver
x = skippy
y = dinky
z = zippy

2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of
your new last name:

a = dippin
b = feather
c = batty
d = burger
e = chicken
f = barffy
g = lizard
h = waffle
i = farkle
j = monkey
k = flippin
l = fricken
m = bubble
n = rhino
o = potty
p = hamster
q = buckle
r = gizzard
s = lickin
t = snickle
u = chuckle
v = pickle
w = hubble
x = dingle
y = gorilla
z = girdle

3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of
your new last name:

a = butt
b = boob
c = face
d = nose
e = hump
f = breath
g = pants
h = shorts
i = lips
j = honker
k = head
l = tush
m = chunks
n = dunkin
o = brains
p = biscuits
q = toes
r = doodle
s = fanny
t = sniffer
u = sprinkles
v = frack
w = squirt
x = humperdinck
y = hiney
z = juice

HIPSTER NOMENCLATURE

1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your New first name:
a = Tight pants
b = Blue tooth
c = Kitten heels
d = Swatch watch
e =Giant Sunglasses
f = Crazy Hair
g = Bad Hair
h = Frowns
i = Broody
j =Moody
k =Caucasian
l = Clueless
m = Latte
n = I Get It
o = Corduroy
p = Ironic Tee
q = Pale
r = Begging for Attention
s = iPod
t = Thrifty
u = Skater
v = Vaughn
w = Gucci
x = Faux-hawk
y = L.E.S. isMore
z = Quiche-y

2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the your new middle initial / last name prefix / nickname in quotations:

a = P.
b = Mc
c = O'
d = Bin-
e = Baxter-
f = H.
g = Mac
h =Don-
i = Mc
j = Sorta
k = Pabst-
l = Della
m = "VH1"
n = "Hall 'N Oats"
o = Von
p = J.
q = "Big brain"
r = "Pop and lock"
s = "Samburg"
t = "Rat tail"
u = "Mini-mullet"
v = "bullet-mullet"
w = "mullet-mullet"
x = "couscous"
y = "Seven-grain"
z = Gloomy-

3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine your new last name:

a = Trust Fundy
b = Starship
c = The Yoga buff
d = Scrawny arms
e = Slouchin'
f = Spader
g = Nosebleed
h = Broken Inside
i = Poetry House
j = Da Journalist
k = Cat-owner and worshipper
l = Seclusion
m = Veagan
n = Raw Diet
o = iMac
p = Improv
q = Night Owl
r = Single
s= Vonnegut
t = Aspirations
u =Salinger
v = Baudelaire
w = Vinyl pants
x = Credit Card
y = Throwback
z = Reference

For example, David Foster, composer of "Love theme from St. Elmo's Fire", is now "Vaughn Von Vonnegut".

5 comments:

Mo Diggs said...

Fluffy Farklepants,

aka

Corduroy Andnosebleed

Abbi said...

I'm Blue tooth "Pop and lock" Salinger. I can squeeze you into my busy schedule but chances are I won't. I learned how to break dance in college to win approval after quoting Catcher in the Rye stopped working.

Mo Diggs said...

Speaking of college, I just read this article on Shecky envisioning a future in which stand-ups are all from Harvard

http://www.sheckymagazine.com/2007/10/harvard-club-minting-comedy-geniuses.html

"But sir, I went to Oxford. Please listen to my Facebook joke."

"No dear lad, only Harvard grads. Give it up for your next comic, Poindexter Rutherford."

"Thanks. So who here has worked on a game theory problem, huh? This guy's like "Shut up, my wife is here!"

It's not comedy, it's Luke said...

with my actual first name:
IGetIt DonTrustFundy

thisisntjimmy said...

Sleezy Dippin Tush

Latte P. Seclusion

This coffee drinking introverted person likes his hipster name... And I can't decide if my capt. underpants name is ironic or not...