Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Just For Respect

Are you tired of your ideas getting dismissed in meetings? Do you wish your friends would listen when you say you do not want to go clubbing? Are you teased in public when you pull out your knitting? It is time to receive the admiration that older adults have enjoyed for ages. Introducing Just For Respect hair color for people in their early twenties.

This revolutionary formula is designed to age you significantly, without conveying uselessness and senility. How does it work? Three ways.

JFR TARGETS only the brown, black, blonde or red on your head, leaving any wiry sprouts without pigment alone. Subtle tones of dull gray, sheetrock white and rusty chrome cling to the follicles, and the application is as easy as shampooing your hair…shampooing with honey…or rather…tar. It takes over an hour to wash out.

JFR WORKS TO WEAKEN the hair over time. The struggle of rinsing will cause you to rip out strands on your own, while powerful chemicals split the ends and cause breakage elsewhere. Your hair is not only thinner, but also unruly, creating a look of authenticity.

JFR IS DIFFERENT. Wigs are for clowns. This is a scientific product that is designed to work with your own tones and highlights. It is not horse hair added. It is your own hair altered to look like a horse’s. Look, are you going to wait on Mother Nature to help you get that movie discount, or are you going to get it yourself? It is time to cut in line.

But that’s not all you will have the freedom to do. Take long pauses. People will expect them. Criticize openly and often. It will make people laugh. Wear an adult diaper. We won’t tell.

Just For Respect will not guarantee wisdom, storytelling ability or knowledge of secret family recipes. If product gets in eyes, however, it may reduce quality of vision. Contact with skin may also cause irritation, leading to stronger visibility of dryness and wrinkles. Our free gift to you.

“Hi. I’m Steve Martin. I went white naturally at the age of 25. Or so you thought. When people see all you bring to the table, they stand up and offer you their seat. Why let vibrant, colorful hair get in the way? Get an advance payment on life. With Just For Respect.”

From the makers of Myfeetra.


Crutch said...

this is one of the all time best posts hands down!

Abbi said...

I got something for everyone on this thing. You're the best sis hands down!

Luke said...

Steve Martin's endorsement made me laugh