Pass The Torchy On The Left Hand Side

It is a bad time to be China right now. I feel worse for the people who were selected to carry the Olympic torch. What was once a huge honor is now a symbol of villainy (or at least complacence) because the torch lights the beginning of games held in a country that violates human rights. It’s like in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom when Kate Capshaw finally scores a big palace but at the cost of all the village’s children. If China does not heed the warning of political activists, soon it may wind up dining on chilled monkey brains! (Pause while listening to headset) Really? I see…my mistake. (Returning to reader) Well, if China does not heed the warning of political activists soon it may wind up dining on live baby snakes and giant beetles! (Listening to headset again). Good Lord. What ISN’T candied over there? Yams. Well, just forget the metaphor then.

To stand up to the injustice, I will do what no other athlete has done. I am dropping out of the Olympics! I will continue my steady diet of waffles, eggs over easy and three kinds of breakfast meats in the morning, but I will not swim, nor will I throw a discus. I will not jump hurdles, run races nor will I lift any weights. Most importantly, I will not go to China. Mainly so I can continue my steady diet of waffles, eggs over easy and three kinds of breakfast meats.

Photo credit: news.bbc.co.uk