All I’m saying is if important facts and events are a giant block of cheese, Inside Edition is the cloth that strains it, and the yellowish stinky liquid that falls through is funneled into a bottle labeled “Our Exclusive Stories”.
Tonight's titles plus a brief synopsis:
Could an iPod Become a FryPod?
(Bill Gates commands God to strike an iPod-clad boy with lightning to teach Steve Jobs a lesson. The product flies off the shelves as mother-in-laws are gifted the world over. The boy survives, however, and the trend shifts back to Arsenic.)
Oprah's Heartbreak
(A puppy fails to effectively eat a plastic ball a.k.a Bob Greene's worst diet ever. O interpreted the passing as a sign that she needs to slow down. Her remaining pets are hoping she won't need a sign for another 20 years.)
Jessica's Bikinis
(Jessica Simpson makes money selling other people's bodies instead of her own. She introduces a line of bikinis modeled after her wardrobe on The Dukes of Hazzard. Creating clothes that look like other people's clothes. It's kind of like when I "invented" Poptarts by putting jam in between two slices of toast. It did not sell.)
The Lovestruck Walrus
(Performing walrus is jealous of handler's girlfriend. This is a story you can't really joke about considering the heartache the poor creature must be feeling. She stayed up all night drunk dialing the other woman.)
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