Thursday, March 8, 2007

Send In Your Art! No. 3

Maybe I should dispel some confusion about my call to the public. At the top right-hand column of my website you'll see that I offer a portrait exchange, with blog posts aptly titled, "Send In Your Art!" If you want a free portrait of yourself, I want to paint you! All you have to do is send a pic of your rendition of ME to: I am a very good painter (despite no published evidence of this claim), and more importantly, I am desperate for acknowledgement of my existence and affirmation that I matter. This year's venture is recognition via artwork. We shant revisit 2006's I'll Leave a Booger Under Your Couch project.

People, people, people. While I appreciate the pun, it is not sufficient to send in pictures of this man.

And no, I am not just jealous that he is the undefeated champion of the Frizz award.

Why would I be jealous? I taught him everything he knows. I put the funk in Garfunkle! HE'D never paint your portrait! He doesn't even know how to paint! He just knows how to sit on stools with bad posture. In 2003 we did a reunion concert in Central Park, and no one showed up! Not even him. A class act this guy.



Anonymous said...


So we haven't seen each other since forever but I still have fond memories of coming over to play barbies (one was always knocked up out of wedlock), a time in 3rd grade when you confessed you wanted to name your children Phyre and Stabronco, and your knack for nicknames like the funky apple (wasn't that your retainer?). I am procrastinating very big right now so I was reading and enjoying your website and decided to say hey. I'm in CT for 2 more months and might try to come see you perform and maybe send in a portrait, too! I hope you're well.

emily schlechte

Abbi said...

Hey Emily! I loved playing at your house. Girl Talk dared us to ask your neighbor for t.p. One time I had to go home before I made a signature scent w/ your do-it-yourself perfume kit, and I'm still bummed about it. And I supervised the conception of all Barbie's babies. Oh: the name was NOT Stabronco. Why would I say Stabronco? That's awful. It was Sibronco. Good luck w/ your work in CT. I'd love to see you again!