Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Lunar Eclipse of the Sun

Did everybody see the moon tonight? How long did it take you to realize you couldn't feel your hands? On this cold, wintery evening, the moon was full and crazy things happened. Crazy things like people standing outside and staring at the sky.

Tonight was a fun night of comedy at Jeremy Hsu's Pacific Standard Experiment (3rd Wed/month @ 9:00PM, 82 Fourth Ave, Brooklyn, NY 11217). I came to watch and got a bonus spot at the top of the show.

Weird moon occurrence number one: A local dog waddled over to the stage and plopped down right at my feet. It was cute for a while, but then I forgot she was there and stepped on her paw. She didn't care. When I was done performing she decided to leave. As Jason Alexander learned on Dunston Checks In, animal sidekicks get bigger laughs. But at least I have a new demographic.

Weird moon occurrence number two: I unlearned everything from grade school science. I would like to take this moment to formally apologize to Helen Hong and Diana Saez. The sun is not behind the moon, causing the moon to turn orange with its heat. You see, the Earth, moon and sun are aligned so that some part of the Earth's shadow falls directly upon the moon. When the sun is close enough to the moon to turn it colors, it is not an "EE-KLIPS" but an "UH-PAKA-LIPS", and the world is ending. Another sign of this is when oceans turn into blood.

Weird occurrence number three: by the magic of the moon I was able to recover my online calendar, showing you where I will perform next! This replaces the inferior, temporary calendar I used by Google. It only showed half of the words advertising my shows. For example, instead of "Come see a night of comedy in costume Pooh bear and other storybook characters welcome" it said, "Come see/ me Pooh". I received a note from Rss Calendar, calming my overblown ego with a friendly tech help message. My original message to them was included:

"My calendar feed is not publishing to my website. I am a comedian, and I use Rss Calendar to show my performance schedule. Please let me know when this problem will be fixed.

I like how I took care to include a closing but not a greeting, and I insisted on pointing out that I am a comedian. "Um, don't know if you guys know this, but I'm sort of a big deal. How big? Well, it just so happens that I use your service to tell an average 14 readers about the two shows I do each week. Unpaid. At venues that have dogs. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?! I invented the term 'boogerologist'! Clean up this mess soon, or I'll sick the moon on you."

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Jerell said...

It would've been cool if you grew fangs and obtained wolf powers.

Abbi said...

I did.