Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Tap and Run


At the risk of sounding like I have Munchausen Syndrome, I say to you this has been one crazy month. On the heels of closing the case on the Froot Loop Bandit, I get hit by a car! Okay, I was bumped by a car after jay-walking.

It wasn't like Brad Pitt playing the human pinball in Meet Joe Black, but it was just as quick. A car turned into the street I was crossing, and then I was unable to stop its momentum with my hands (I'm starting to think Twilight was just a movie full of special effects). I spun like a top and then down to the ground. I watched the car speed away. Okay, it crept away like it was in a parade. Almost slow enough for me to see the license plate, but I was too busy getting up for fear of being creamed by any following vehicles. They say adrenaline shields you from pain. It's true. Yesterday I sprung up like a Pop-tart and scurried half a block and into my building. Today I'm hobbling around like I'm delivering a brain to a mad scientist.

To make matters worse my knee-high stockings keep slinking down, so I am officially an old Italian woman.

If you're going to say anything, please tease me mercilessly. I have used up all the sympathy and well-wishing comments allotted one blogger this year.

7 comments:

Thomas Pryor said...

abbi, might I suggest strapping a couple of pillows to your butt for easy landings on street beds and ducting those old sockers up, Mama Leone style, you could use this rash of bad karma to your advantage, look over a sports sheet and pick a few winners in unpcoming contests, then bet baby's new shoes on the teams you don't pick.

soce said...

How dare you have the audacity to leave your apartment! Or stay in it! As tragedies seem to strike either way.

For real though.. take it slow.

Chris said...

Well, you were jay-walking. Technically, the car wasn't supposed to speed away but back over you several times to make sure that the punishment was inflicted properly.

I mean once you let jay-walking slip, people might start cutting those tags off the mattresses. Anarchy!

Karine said...

What is the matter with you woman? Put your knickers up! Geesh...

Abbi Crutchfield said...

@ Tommy: Yes! You're always taking lemons and making them into limoncello.

@ Soce: I'm becoming that duck on Garfield and Friends.

@ Chris: I'm a loner PeeWee...a REBEL!

Abbi Crutchfield said...

@ Karine: I took them off. Now they are beige hand puppets I'm calling the Naked Brothers Band.

Thomas Pryor said...

today is a bella day for gelato limoncello!

let's forget about domani, cause domani never comes