My place was burglarized this week. Whenever I worried about it happening, I imagined coming home to a stark, empty room, an open window, and a little outline on the wall of where a sofa used to be. In reality, the crime was not as obvious. In fact, I was home a full 25 minutes and had cleaned my kitchen and bathroom before I noticed. And I live in a studio!
On my way to tidying up the space I like to call the livingbedroom, I noticed a tennis shoe on the bed. I've seen Luke get ready in a hurry, but never toss footwear like the Swedish chef on the Muppets. Then I looked beyond the bed at the back wall. I just stared in disbelief. The desktop computer that usually sits perched on the corner desk like Mufasa on a cliff was gone.
This is what crime looks like. Missing electronics, open drawers, your clothes tossed to the floor. Okay maybe my skirt was already on the floor.
1. The police are very particular about what can be dusted for fingerprints. I recommend wall papering your house with book covers. The shiny kind you slowly remove from the jacket because you don't...want...to smudge--oops, too late. Also, cover your jewelry in peanutbutter.
2. Crooks like to use bags they find in your house to take their loot. Get rid of all backpacks, laundry bags, and totes. And vinyl airbed sacks. And pillow cases. And large socks.
3. The police advise you to set up a small video camera. This is less for identifying the criminal and more for being able to capture a mishap and make up the money on America's Funniest Home Videos. Also, place banana peels around your house.