Wednesday, March 18, 2009

I Need the Antidote

I know a blog is for communicating complex math-based codes to extra-terrestrials, but for a moment, I would like to address what's happening in my life as if this website were an outlet.

I got schooled by my fiance and fellow-comedian Luke Thayer tonight. We were talking about a show he did at Karma that was a booked open mic and turned out to have ample audience but a dearth of performers. Result: he got, and made use of, gratuitous stage time. I explained the lack of performers by musing that a lot of comics might not FEEL like doing open mics, and he shook his head in disbelief. I indignantly added, "Some comics might prefer to grow by folding socks and eating cereal."

Writing you on this blog right now is in violation of my sister's plan, "Operation: Comedy on the Shelf While Wedding Gets Planned", and contradicts Luke's mantra that I need to do less in order to focus on stand-up comedy more.

I amuse readers here, I write reviews of shows on a comedy site, I write funny paragraphs for a parenting blog, I tape and edit a weekly parody of the First Lady, I produce a live comedy hour twice a month (featuring new material in the form of characters or the latest version of my stand-up act), and I raise eight newborn children in addition to my six toddlers.

This would not be so bad if I didn't also insist on networking via Twitter, Facebook and Myspace, and writing dozens of e-mails a day. All while juggling the minutiae of constructing a wedding (convincing Luke that white tuxedos are for anthropologists). I need the antidote for this poison called activity overload. The good thing about NYC is the possibilities are endless for what you can do creatively. It's like college. Remember how excited you were by the prospect that ANYone could be a campus DJ? The down-side is you lose track of time and fail your Map of the Modern World class, and suddenly you can't GIVE your Limp Bizkit cds away.

Spreading thin only works for Vegemite, and even that's debatable.


soce said...

I tried Vegemite at The Tuck Shop in east village, and it was disgusting. It looks like chocolate spread, but it tastes like super salty salt salt. Fortunately their meat and veggie pies are good, so I still come back there regularly.

In terms of spreading yourself too thin, welcome to the gang. Or rather, welcome back, since you've presumably been doing this for a while.

Many of us do about a hundred different things in the performance art world, and I don't think we even do it with the hope that "Well one of these will suddenly get big, and then I'll be famous".

I mean, we DO hope for fame and success, but ultimately the REAL reason why we do all these activities is because we can't imagine NOT doing any of them. They literally ARE our precious 8 babies that we raise alongside our 6 other toddlers, and we love each of them equally.

Many of my projects gain me approximately 2.8 new fans each who take a moment to go "Hunh, that was cool" and then never think of me again, but hey. If you do two hundred thousand of those little projects, then eventually, you'll have approximately 300 fans who will all collectively go, "Yeah that person? S/he's fun" at some point when they are talking to a wall or other silent space.

Regardless of the success of my individual endeavors, I still tirelessly throw myself into them 170%, because I can't imagine giving any less. Even if it's for a show with 3 people in the audience, I will still meticulously craft an elaborate costume, props and interactive scenarios to draw all 3 of them in. I am here to entertain and make people smile, and the only way I will feel happy about it is if I go all out.

Mo Diggs said...

I feel bad...that you tasted vegemite

soce said...

Yeah, I almost cried and spit up afterward, Like A Boss.

Abbi Crutchfield said...

I'm proud of you Soce! That's not how I function though. When I can focus all of my attention on something, that's when I give it 100%. When I juggle too many things, I start to slip, then I borrow a pillow to scream in.

I'm just going to eat this elephant one bite at a time, but once the wedding's over, I'm coming back full force!

Vegemite is better than vegesprite.

Chris said...

Dude, you got your chocolate in my Vegemite!

Abbi Crutchfield said...

You got your vegemite in my chocolate!! Hey Chris, you still owe me that QOD. You may be surprised by what your readers are eating.

JenIsFamous said...

"I know a blog is for communicating complex math-based codes to extra-terrestrials, but for a moment, I would like to address what's happening in my life as if this website were an outlet."

Abbi, I'm going to quote this on my blog every time I want to talk about myself. You're hilarious, AND you use the subjunctive mood correctly!