Monday, March 16, 2009

Ask Abbi: Secret Crush?

Jerrell of asks:

Who were your celebrity crushes growing up? I will accept any answers including:

1. El DeBarge
2. The bongo player from the Miami Sound Machine
3. Dr. Dre (of YO! MTV Raps fame)?

Consulting my journals from age 6 and up, I notice I claim to have had relationships with the following male icons:

Mickey Mouse

Michael Jackson


Hulk Hogan

(You could fry potatoes on that man )

From age nine I start talking about real boys / heterosexuals / people not on steroids, and the stories get significantly less interesting. Why I chose to lie about who I was dating is beyond me. I guess I hoped someone would open my diary and be very impressed with my connections. If anything, I think it explains a lot about why I decided to be a comedian. Because I can lie all I want, and no one will ever know.

Feel free to post your questions for Abbi in the comments section, to be answered in a later post, or write curlycomedy (at) with "Ask Abbi" in the Subject.


Elizabeth McQuern said...

I love Jerell Price! He's my blogpal.

Abbi Crutchfield said...

He's your blog pal until he starts asking probing questions that make you look perverted to society.

soce said...

That is so true. I lie all the time in my act. I used to be sarcastic as a kid, but people always believed me, and that was frustrating. I had to make the lies more fantastic so that they would realize it was all a big, not-necessarily-funny joke.

I've hopefully improved my delivery over time-- I find doing jazz hands during the punch-line really helps make it all sink in. There I go, lying once again.

Also, I was a big Hogan fan as a kid as well, and that's the truth.

Mo Diggs said...

You had a crush on Mickey Mouse? I guess women don't want a sense of humor.

Chris said...

Like Mo, I am shocked that you had a crush on something that isn't even human..... I mean Michael Jackson??

Abbi Crutchfield said...

@ Soce: with big, not necessarily funny jokes, you're on your way to Vegas.

@ Mo: LOL, burn! I think I just liked aliteration. See Hulk Hogan...

@ Chris: Nice turn! Btw my message to Soce is a Danny Gans joke. You're welcome.

Chris said...

I'm dying to see Soce's George Burns impersonation now.

soce said...

"And then I was like.. This cow is so huuuuuuuge!!!!"

Jerell said...

It only got perverted when you didn't mention Randy "Macho Man" Savage.