You have 6 minutes to read this post, print it out and send it to ten trash cans.
The following e-mailed message is dubbed, "mighty fine advice", in which the author warns that if I do not send it out I will get, "a very unpleasant surprise". I didn't send it. I don't want to say she was right, but when I did laundry later, my dish towels came out slightly damp.
On a scale of one to ten, one being "plastic surgery will make you feel empowered!" and ten being, "don't cut off your nose to spite your face" this stuff is about a two.
ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
I often give long-winded answers on Monday mornings describing exactly how I'm doing. I do it cheerfully because I know people will avoid me afterwards.
TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their
conversational skills will be as important as any other.
First you will have to find a man-slash-woman. The drag queen's conversational skills do not improve with age as much as the makeup tips.
THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you
That's three things in one, Cheater. But I won't take this seriously, go to Vegas or doze off on the job ANYmore.
FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.
FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
But if you ever say, "I'm sorry I loved you" do it by e-mail.
SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
That way you'll probably turn 18 by the wedding day.
SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.
...so that the Gap has a reason to re-invent jeans.
EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream.
All babies talk in my dreams. They give profound speeches while wearing diapers. Sometimes they're wearing glasses.
NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only
way to live life completely.
You can also love like a crazy person. It's the only way to hurt someone before they hurt you.
TEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.
Do judge their relatives by their hair style and choice of beer.
ELEVEN. Talk slowly but think quickly.
So you can always be bored with yourself.
TWELVE. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer,
smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
Bite your finger and laugh until they walk away.
THIRTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
Do you NOT care that their soul is escaping?!
FOURTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson
The lesson being that you are not a winner. Because you might actually try to enter a beat box competition again.
FIFTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others;
and responsibility for all your actions.
Respect, Respect and Responsibility...let's add Rinse and Repeat for an even six.
SIXTEEN. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your
Chew gum too. The caller will hear it in his nightmares.