Friday, September 5, 2008

Comedy and Jealousy


They go together like cereal and orange juice. But our brains, much like Wal-mart, allow unrelated items to co-exist, even to our own detriment. Captain Ron and Easy chairs, anyone?

How can we stop comedy and jealousy from joining forces, clouding any positive thoughts we may have for our peers when they get big breaks?

Here are three helpful reminders that come to us from Chicken Soup for the Self-Absorbed Hack and Shiftless Has-Been Soul (Canfield and Hansen):

Lesson 1: Do Unto Others

When I was seven, I was invited to a summer birthday party that involved lots of sprinkler action. The hosts, two teen-aged sisters decided to line guests up and hand out a home-made Bathing Suit Award. They called our classmate Ashley to step forward and announced that she had the "Coolest Suit". Arguably, she did. It was neon-colored with black, criss-cross straps. Girls started to clap, and I gave a thumbs down and shouted, "Boo!" I got everyone to boo her as loudly as they could. The sisters quieted us down and pulled out another certificate and announced the "Sauciest Suit" and called my name. I was confused. Then they selected the "Most Fabulous Suit". There were awards for everyone.

Sure it feels good to ruin someone's moment of glory. But you don't exactly want people booing when it's your turn.

Lesson 2: Be Careful What You Wish For

I have tried for a lot of things, gotten some, and missed out on others. What others? A reality TV show about female comedians that trash each other, a scholarship offering free courses through 4 levels of improv I've already taken, and the lead role in a play that takes place in a salon and whose humor is based on the regular customers "blowin' up the place with their doodoo stank."

You might be depressed over being rejected but the person who got the gig is probably suicidal.

Which brings us to our third lesson: Everyone Dies

I was sitting in the back of an airplane a couple of days ago dreaming of how little I've accomplished and I woke up right as we were buckling back in for the landing. I heard an unusual buzzing sound under me, and the horizon line switched to an alarmingly sharp decline. My head was dizzy, and I started to panic because I seriously thought we were about to crash. We landed ten minutes later.

When you're feeling jealousy take over, remember, even that person will some day die. But then remember that you, too will die. And maybe you shouldn't waste your life being a jerk.

By the way, the guy in the seat behind me was crying as we landed, so I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who is preoccupied with Kristen Schaal's success.

6 comments:

Crutch said...

don't be jealous, be patient. you only have two more years til you reach the 5 year mark and get your lucky break :)

Abbi said...

No! I will be jealous forever! Nobody can have anything if I can't have it first!

Thanks Sis. By the way, I picked Kristen Schaal to pick on because she's doing great, and nobody can take that away from her. This is still a comedy blog, and not a real diary, readers. Obviously, I don't get envious. I lack the capability to think of others.

Chris said...

I had a really funny comment for this post but forget it now. I don't want to awaken your envious, green-eyed curly-fury.

(Ok, i lied. I got nothing)

Mo Diggs said...

does being jealous of your fiancee

Slava said...

But I am not really going to die, right?

Abbi said...

Of course not. This is a blog. Blogs are full of incorrect information. You have so much to learn about the Internet.