Thursday, January 3, 2008
Dear Olive Garden: there is no such thing as “Lasagna Rollatini”. Yes I have been to Italy. What’s that? No I haven’t met your chef… Pleasure to make your acquaintance Mister...? Boyardee.
Dear Facebook: You’re sponsoring a debate? There’s nothing sadder than when your wild college buddy goes corporate. Nice tie, Facebook. Just remember to give it back to my grandpa when you’re done.
Dear Letterman’s Beard: Zat you, Santa Claus?
Dear "It's My Money, and I Need It NOW!" : Great idea to use the auditions of actors so you never have to pay them. Only problem, not convincing enough. You should have told them you were using their likeness without paying them and then taped THAT response.
Dear Optimum Online: your Latin-flavored, mermaid-costumed, accordion-laced rap song has successfully been memorized by Target employees. However, it took me twelve listens to understand the spokesman was saying, "Come on, mi gente" and not "Come on, be handy". Tell him to enunciate his Spanglish.
Dear Today Show Makeover Contestants: No more bragging about lost weight if you still look fat.
Dear Head On: I don't know what you're putting in that magical glue stick, but it must be good. Maybe I'll get one of you this year. After I find a Clapper for the lights above my Chia Pet.
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