Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Shiny Happy Birthdays Holding Hands

Fun and fancy birthday tidings to you!

Every Living Room, we select one of the performers to be the Funniest Comedian of All Time. A blue baseball cap filled with names holds each comedian's fate, so we ceremoniously request the same thing each time: Bring out the Hat of Chance! At Friday's show, Luke interrupted the normal closing to proclaim, "Bring out the Cake of Birth!" To my surprise, a lovely chocolate and cherry masterpiece was unveiled from behind the bar.

This face is showing surprise, and not the orangutan mating call.

Instead of candles it had stirring straws. So instead of blowing on them, I sucked the cake through them. It took five hours.

I feel grown. When I was younger, if you asked me what a grown up's life looked like, I would say, "She has kids and drinks coffee and reads the part of the newspaper that's not the comics and wears shoulder pads." Luckily the only part of that prophecy that is true is the coffee. I often forget that I am an adult. Sometimes I will walk along the perimeter of a playground and make eye contact with a 10 year old as if to say, "Psh. Parents. Ya feel me?" and he looks away because to him I am the most attractive drug dealer he has ever seen.

Come see me perform Wed May 27 on the Haiku show at Jeollado!

116 E. 4th St (1st and 2nd Ave)
New York, NY 10003

Photos by Alex Urde


Mo Diggs said...

Happy birthday Crutch! I want cake!

Abbi Crutchfield said...

Thanks Pookie. You have my permission to buy one of those fudgy, microwavable Duncan Hines things for single women and call it bday cake.

Abbi Crutchfield said...

I meant Betty Crocker Warm Delights, thank you Google.

Tommy Pryor said...

Happy Early Birthday, Abbi, you're a good egg & a supremely funny lady, hugs, Tommy

ps you will get a belated card, promise

Sis said...

that's a great photo of you golden girl!! happy birthday...love you lots.

Abbi Crutchfield said...

Thanks Hermana! I'm glad we talked on the phone. See, that's all the present I need. Plus your card that will come. Plus the money inside it. :)

soce said...

Cake through a straw!! Awesome!! Happy b'doy!

Chris said...

Happy Birthday Abbi! I made you a cake but I ate it...

The Critic said...

I can't believe I'm ten years older than you. Thanks for making me feel old as shit.

Abbi Crutchfield said...

@ Tab: Thanks! Shoulder pads only need come back if they are used for storing snacks. I will call them shoulder pouches, and the pads will be bags of Fritos.

@ Tommy: Where's my card?!

@ Soce: Thanks! It gave me a headache. Next time I will be smart and just use a blender.

@ Chris: Same thing happens every time I bake you something. I figure it will never keep until Boston.

@ The Critic: As if having a daughter and getting tired at 8:00PM didn't do the job already.