Friday, May 29, 2009

Ask Abbi: Annoying Introductions

Chris from asks:

What's the most annoying thing that happens when you meet someone new and tell them you're a comedian?

Thanks for writing without adding, "Hey here's one you can use in your act! A priest, a stripper and an amputee are at an aquarium..."

Upon introduction I like to show--not tell--my profession, and I find a hand buzzer does the job nicely. Ususally they're too irritated to ask me any questions.

Actually, I prefer the Bruce Wayne approach, where they never know that comedian Abbi Crutchfield is the same as the millionaire who is hosting the lovely party they are attending. There are a number of reasons for this, all based on past reactions I have had. Here they are in order of my loathing:

5: (Incredulous) You're a comedian? You don't look funny.
4: (Aggressive) Say something funny! Aw, come on. If you was really a comedian you'd say something funny RIGHT NOW.
3: (Patronizing) Oh, that's nice. Maybe we'll see you on Leno some day, huh?...what's that? Or who? Conan? I don't know Conan. I don't watch any of those late night talk shows.
2: (Feigned interest) Where do you play? (after I start listing comedy venues) Oh. Neat. I would now like to leave immediately because I just remembered I hate people.
1: (Overly Enthusiastic) Wow! Really? When's your next show? (After having missed several opportunities to see me) Come on, you really have to tell me about your next show! I'm dying to see you! Keep me posted! (When told my schedule is listed on my website) You really have to give me the name of that website! (After I've given it to them three times and told them to just Google me) You got a show coming up? I'm coming this time! (I tell them to wait until I come to them on their TV) Television?! Maybe we'll see you on Leno some day, huh?

Feel free to post your questions for Abbi in the comments section, to be answered in a later post, or write curlycomedy (at) with "Ask Abbi" in the Subject.

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soce said...

Classic. I get a lot of response #1. People always want to know when my next show is, and sometimes I have a hard time remembering all the details at the spur of the moment, and then they get pissed off at me for not being able to remember, as though I'm trying to keep it a secret from them and prevent them from coming to the show.

I try to give them my myspace sticker (where all my shows are listed), and they get even more angry like "you want me to waste my time looking you up???"

It's always kind of an awkward exchange.. People rarely meet me in person and then immediately start attending my shows. It's not that I expect them to, I just wish they wouldn't get so mad at me.

"You're a doctor? Who were all the patients you treated over the last month? What, you don't remember all of them?? What's wrong with you???"

Chris said...

I kinda expected a funnier response, I mean with you being a comedienne and all.


Chris said...

BTW, the aggressive person has really poor grammar.

Average Jane said...

#1 reminds me of all of my "friends" who never show up to see my band play despite numerous opportunities to do so. They never seem to realize that - band stability being what it is - "next time" may be a long way off.

anne altman said...

my ohioan cousin and her husband were in NYC for the very first time coincidentally during the weekend of my one and only, close-to-sellout show at comix. they skipped my show for the Times Square Build-a-Bear Store. And the Hershey Store. And the M&M Store. probs Olive Garden. definitely American Girl Place.

because i come close to selling out comix all the time

Kevin McCaffrey said...

#1 is articulated in extremely accurate fashion here. Nice goin', Abbi.

And the big thing is, I'm not even mad about the people not coming to see's the unnecessary acting/pretending that a)not only that they really will one day, but b)that they actually want to. No excuse necessary, just stop talking!!!

And as far as #4 -- yes, that guy always does have poor grammar. ALWAYS.