Board Game Flashback: Mall Madness

This game used to be so much fun. The object was to make purchases at each store and exit the mall first. You had to use credit cards. Just like real life! It took twenty minutes to set it up, because you had to build the mall yourself. Just like real life!

The girl on the cover of the box reminded me of Julia Roberts in Steel Magnolias but younger, and so she became my new, imaginary best friend.

The mall's design was two floors decorated like 1990s Miami, with enough pastels to rival the set of The Golden Girls. All the stores had corny names like "Tinker's Toys".


The front of the box says, "IT TALKS". The center of the board had an unattractively orange battery-powered computer. You stuck your credit card in one of two slots on the console, and a voice would let you know if you could buy from there or not, among other instructions. My game had a guy's voice who would either say, "Cha-ching!" or "Ooh, long line. Try again later!" The latter came in a really condescending tone. Since it was random, you never knew if he'd accept or reject you. If I ever find the actor that recorded those slogans I am going to punch him in the face.

Then there was the nice lady who alerted you to pick up the miniature Sale / Clearance signs and plop them down on top of different stores.

"BEEP-BEEP-BEEP! Attention shoppers, there is a sale at the...sunglasses store...and the...furniture shop...and a clearance at the...chicken store!"

Whenever she said "Chicken store," we all knew she meant kitchen. But the warbled recording would crack me up every time.

Apparently fake money came with this game, but I never used it. I just encouraged my friends to buy with a credit card so we could hear the sassy voice in the orange box and then insult him if he didn't tell us what we wanted to hear. This game teaches you that credit cards are just an endless supply of money that is easier to carry. And that shopping more than your friends makes you a winner.